If It's Not One thing, It's Another!

Lola is a 16 y/o girl growing up in the suburbs of a sprawling district in Nairobi, Kenya. She is intelligent, cute and charming. Everyone loves Lola in school and her teachers think she's got a very bright future. Lola comes from a religious family. Her mum is the prayer warrior of the Pentecostal church in the neighborhood. She doesn't talk to her children about sex and its consequences. Lola's dad is an academic. He works as a university lecturer in the city. He's strict yet loving and wants the best for his children. After closing at school one day, Lola hooks up with friends as they find their way home. Being all girls, they discuss about getting boyfriends. "I think I'm old enough to have a guy" says Simbi. "I can't wait to become an adult at last" says another, as the other girls chuckled. They all look at Miriam, the oldest in the group. Rumor has it Miriam has bedded a few guys and could say one or two things about it. "My parents will be traveling to the village next week. We can invite a few guys over" Miriam discloses. Lola listens with rapt attention in the middle of all this. She's trying to figure out how to respond to Miriam's invitation. The troubled teenager is torn between giving in to the yearnings of her raging hormones and making her family proud by keeping her virginity until she gets married. In the end, Lola decides to honor Miriam's invitation. She goes to Miriam's house and meets Jaiye. Now Jaiye, who is as handsome as the devil, has the charm of a red-nosed reindeer and a smooth talking tongue. Behind all these, Jaiye also has the morals of an alley cat. Within minutes, Jaiye is able to break down Lola's final resistance. "Why can't we have some fun? The other guys already got to it. It's harmless" he persuades. Lola falls for him and gives in. A few weeks later, Lola is pregnant. She's devastated. How would she explain this to her parents. She has failed her family. She talks to Simbi and together they go after Jaiye. He suggests an abortion. He's not ready to father a child and Lola isn't ready to be a mother at 16. They find a quack who's ready to do it for a few bucks. Lola goes under the quack's knives and gets rid of the pregnancy. A few days later, complications arise and Lola starts bleeding. She refuses to confess on her deathbed, but as the embers of life start to slowly diminish, she confesses to her mom and mentions Simbi and Jaiye. Soon after that Lola dies!

Amanda is 16 years old. She lives in Alabama, U.S.A. She's a happy-go-lucky kind of girl. Her dad is a busy management consultant who's seldom around the family. Amanda's mum is a nurse who spends most of her time saving lives at the general hospital. Without getting enough quality time to spend with both parents, Amanda falls back on friends. She enjoys all the gossips and exuberance of a bubbling teenager with her friends. Now in senior high school, Amanda wants to try out new things. She finds a willing partner in Amy who shows up with the cigarettes and booze. In the course of this, she gets intimate with a few older guys she meets through Amy. Week-in-week-out, Amanda goes home tipsy but her parents are too busy to notice. Gradually, Amanda slowly ebbs deeper into the world of alcoholism. Her grades begin to drop at school and her teachers start worrying about her. She sees the school counselor who convinces her to retrace her steps. She did. Few weeks later, Amanda meets Amy who invites her to a party being hosted by Jimmy, the most sought-after kid in school. Amanda can't resist. She goes to Jimmy's party and ends up dancing with Jimmy. Now, Jimmy is a spoilt rich kid, and good-looking, too. His dad wants him to go to Harvard and be a successful business-man. Jimmy cajoles Amanda to follow him into the room. Amanda is half-way in the bag and can't resist. A couple of weeks later, Amanda realizes she's been knocked up. She finds Jimmy in school and tells him he's about to be a father. This doesn't go down well with him. That'd be a scandal if his parents get to know about it. It'd ruin their standing in the prestigious yacht club of millionaires. Amanda is crushed. She goes home and cries all day. She's going to have the baby  regardless of what happens. Her mom comes home from work late in the night and finds Amanda waiting up for her. She can't believe it when Amanda breaks the news of her pregnancy. She realizes she hasn't been living up to her billings as a mother. She promises to change. Nine months later, Amanda has a bouncing baby girl and names her Jaimee to remind her of Jimmy. Even though she has a child out of wedlock, she's hopeful and alive!

Being a teenager could be as challenging as riveting. Across the world, from Africa to America to Asia and to Europe, teens face the daunting tasks of sticking to the rules and charting a course for their lives. Unsurprisingly though, the challenges teens have to face differ from one continent to another. African teens are wary of getting pregnant thus putting an end to their education and bringing the family name to shame. A knocked-up African teen is regarded as a failure in most African societies. Most times, they result to having an abortion thereby falling prey to the numerous quack doctors. Which brings up another question. Would it help if abortion were legalized? While getting knocked up in your teens is definitely not something to be proud of, the toga of shame and guilt these teens are made to wear doesn't in any way help them to recover from the trauma of becoming a young mother.

The onus falls on parents and guardians, being the closest to their wards. They should feel free to discuss the consequences of sex with their teens and make them grasp the full picture, and when it goes the other way, help them get back on track. Having a baby as a teen doesn't necessarily spell failure for the mother, what happens after does.

How a Lady Almost Snatched My Husband With Séx; But I Got Him Back –Married Woman

I have been married for the past 9 yrs, I'm blessed with 3 kids (2boys and a girl) and I have the most amazing hubby... I'm trying to correct the notion that all marriages are wacky and all because that's not true. It wouldn't be nice if some single girls out there don't get to know that marriages can work if u make it happen.

Dear Ladies, Size Does Matter in Bed.

Women reach orgasm more easily when their lover’s manhood exceeds 5.8 inches, study shows. Call it the battle of the bulge - it turns out size does matter in bed. Scottish psychologists studied the sexual appetites of 323 women and found that most reach orgasm more easily when their lover’s manhood exceeds the average size of 5.8 inches. “This might be due to greater ability of a longer penis to stimulate the entire length of the vagina and the cervix,” researcher Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of West Scotland, told the website Live Science. Brody said the research showed that women who had sex with well-endowed partners had the most vaginal orgasms. He added, “Male anxiety about penis size may not reflect internalized, culturally arbitrary masculine stereotypes but an accurate appreciation that size matters to many women.”

If you have a man with small 'something', well...take heart.

10 Séx Tips Every Guy Should Take

Wanna blow her mind and keep her coming back? Perhaps even bring a friend? Check out the top ten must-know secrets for guys to keep the gals satisfied.

1. It’s safer at the shallow end. What I mean by this is that, evidence suggests, the outer third of the vágina is the most sensitive, so deep thrusting isn’t essential – at least not for her! Instead, try ‘dipping’ the tip of your member in and out of her vágina.

2. There are more than two erogenous zones. Yes the breásts and pubíc area are obvious hot-spots but they get a lot hotter when stimulated in conjunction with other areas. Try kíssing and gently stroking her neck, back, stomach and inner thighs.

3. Women are slow burners. For women, good séx takes time. Women are also more emotional lovers. So dedicating 10-15 minutes prior to séx, cuddling, kissing and holding your partner will be infinitely more successful at getting her arouséd than spending a frustrating 5 minutes rubbing an unresponsive clítoris.

4. Tell her how great she looks. And mean it. On the whole, women don’t love to be nakéd. The second her clothes come off she feels vulnerable and sensitive. When she undresses, tell her what you love about her body. And if she tries to turn the lights off, turn them back on to show her she has nothing to be embarrassed about.

5. Assume the right position. Yes, the pieces of the puzzle will always go together but there are certain tricks that will help make sure they are the perfect fit. By simply sliding a pillow under her bottom while you enter her, you bring her clítoris and g-spot into better contact with you.

6. You should both finish the race. As already mentioned, women take time to clímax. Men, however, are much quicker. Orgasmícally speaking, she is the tortoise to your hare. So if you clímax first, no matter how tired you are, you’re responsible for helping her over the finish line. The best tactic? Head south with your mouth.

7. Talk to her. This doesn’t mean you need to launch into a running commentary on your love-making, but break the silence/moaning every now and again with some arousing words. Women love communication from men, including in the bedroom. Occasionally mention why you love doing what you are doing to her, ask her what she wants you to do next, or throw in the guaranteed winner … “I just can’t get enough of you…” Best said in a husky, breathless voice.

8. Be clean. Just as you’re more inspired to indulge her in some orál action when you know she’s just washed, women are also more turned on by a tidy man. Seeing you showered, shaven, smelling good with a clean t-shirt on and with freshly brushed teeth is like foreplay to her.

9. Aim for G -Spot Orgásm. Only 30% of women have ever reached a g -spot climáx, and 100% of women want to experience this unknown ecstasy. So if you’re the guy who helps her to get there, you’ll forever be seen as a séx god in her eyes. The best technique to achieve this is to use a curved finger or g -spot toy.

10. Enjoy Orál Séx. Yes she can tell when you flinch or seem hesitant about going down on her. But even if it isn’t your favourite thing to do, it’s the best way for most women to reach orgásm, so you’ll have to learn to enjoy it. Because when she’s happy, you’re happy, right?

Sex education for teenagers

Experts say it is easier to pass information on sex education to boys than to girls. Therefore, if your daughter has attained puberty, you should not hesitate to discuss sex with her.

During puberty, many adolescents turn to their friends and the media for the answers to their questions. And most of the time, they get the wrong answers. You may be surprised to learn that they always wish they could ask their own parents the same questions rather than to turn to their peers.

Besides, failure on the part of parents to talk about puberty and sex does not make the potential problems go away. By the time they clock 10 years, about 49 per cent of adolescents admit that they have had sex. The margin increases to 79 per cent by the time they grow older.

Talking about sex with your teenage child will not necessarily make him or her to explore his or her sexuality. In fact, studies have shown that an open discussion on sex can help to prevent unwanted teenage pregnancy. Do not think it is one big, difficult conversation. Instead, you should see it as a continuous conversation that should last throughout the period of adolescence.

Do not shove more content into the discussion than they can absorb and process. Tell them what they need to learn in snippets and give them enough time to think about it before inviting them to ask questions. Encourage them to share details about their life with you, no matter how embarrassing they are.

Although starting the conversation with the girls may require some tact on your part, you can let her know that you are not sure if she has started puberty and sex education in school or seen her monthly period. The truth is that many teenagers hide this fact from their parents. And many parents are unaware of how much sexual exposure their children have gained.

As you talk to them, note the changes in the bodies of the girls. The first sign of puberty is evident in the development of the breasts. As this continues, growth can be uneven. On the other hand, for most boys, development is reflected by changes in their voices and tufts of hair in their armpits.

As their breasts develop, the girls grow bigger and their hips become wider. Your daughter may be visibly worried that she is gaining weight, but explain that she is just gearing up for a growth spurt. Girls need healthy weight gain during this stage in their lives. Take care not to make them feel the pressure to diet. Remember that how you feel about yourself will be reflected in how your daughter views herself. So be mindful about what you are communicating about her body and image. For the boys, there may not be obvious changes in weight. But they may just grow taller with long bones.

Today, most Nigerian girls begin to observe their monthly periods before their 13th birthday. About 90 per cent of them get to this stage by the time they are 14 years old and 98 per cent by the age of 15. While some can’t wait to start their periods, others may be frightened or anxious. To add to their anxiety, many girls don’t have a complete understanding of their reproductive system or what actually happens during the menstrual cycle.

Tell your teenage daughter how long a period normally lasts and how often they occur. Tell her that her menstrual flow will likely last for seven days or less. Her period may be irregular for the first few years. Once their menstrual cycle becomes regular, most girls see their period every 25 to 30 days. Some get them as frequently as every 21 days or as infrequently as every 45 days. Let her know what to expect.

With boys, the testosterone gushes out fast with much pressure, thereby making them to be aware of their sexuality. This testosterone sometimes causes them to experience night emissions. This is the natural way in which the body regulates the level of semen and sperm cells in their scrotum. Please note that night emission is not the same thing as wet dreams. While night emission is done without any human effort or assistance, wet dreams are the results of sexual fantasy.

You can tell your daughter that during her menstrual period, hormones can cause nausea, cramping, and diarrhea. Talk to her about sanitary products. Explain the different options and discuss the pros and cons of each one. Show her how to use them.

Talk to the girl about the odors and discharges between periods. Explain to her that it is normal for fluid to be discharged through her sex organ as a way of cleansing itself naturally. Teach her to wipe from front to back after using the bathroom to avoid vaginal or bladder infections. Caution your daughter against using feminine sprays.

To be continued.

Scientists: Losing Virginity Later In Life Helps Enjoy More Satisfying Relationships

People who lose their virginity later than their teenage years are more likely to enjoy satisfying relationships later in life, according to a new study.

Researchers found that people who didn’t have sex until they turned 20 or even later are more likely to end up in a happy relationship. However, these people are less likely to be married and are also more likely to have had a university education and work in a well-paid job.

While parents worry about their children getting involved in all kinds of risky behaviour, their children's’ forays into sexual relationships is their prime concern.

Previous research suggests that there may be cause for concern, as timing of sexual development can have significant immediate consequences for adolescents’ physical and mental health. However, until now little had been done to study long-term outcomes, and how early sexual initiation might affect romantic relationships in adulthood.

Psychological scientist Paige Harden, of the University of Texas in the United States, set about changing this.

She wanted to investigate whether the timing of sexual initiation in adolescence might predict romantic outcomes - such as whether people get married or live with their partners, how many romantic partners they’ve had, and whether they’re satisfied with their relationship - later in adulthood.

Doctor Harden used data from the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health to look at 1,659 same-sex sibling pairs who were followed from around the age of 16 to about the age of 29. Each sibling was classified as having an ‘early’ (younger than 15), ‘on-time’ (age 15 to 19), or ‘late’ (older than 19) first experience with sexual intercourse.

Later timing of first sexual experience was associated with higher educational attainment and higher household income in adulthood when compared with the early and on-time groups. People who had a later first sexual experience were also less likely to be married and they had fewer romantic partners in adulthood. Among the participants who were married or living with a partner, later sexual initiation was linked with significantly lower levels of relationship dissatisfaction in adulthood.

Dr Harden said: 'It’s possible that people who have their first sexual encounter later also have certain characteristics that have downstream effects on both sexual delay and on relationship quality. They could be pickier in choosing romantic and sexual partners, resulting in a reluctance to enter into intimate relationships unless they are very satisfying.

'It’s also possible, however, that people who have their first sexual encounter later have different experiences, avoiding early encounters with relational aggression or victimization that would otherwise have detrimental effects on later romantic outcomes.'

Dr Harden added: 'Individuals who first navigate intimate relationships in young adulthood, after they have accrued cognitive and emotional maturity, may learn more effective relationship skills than individuals who first learn scripts for intimate relationships while they are still teenagers.'

In previous studies, Dr Harden and her colleagues have found that earlier sexual intercourse isn’t always associated with negative outcomes.

For example, she found that teenagers who experienced their first sexual intercourse earlier, particularly those who had sex in a romantic dating relationship, had lower levels of delinquent behaviour problems.

She added: 'We are just beginning to understand how adolescents’ sexual experiences influence their future development and relationships.'

When, to your mind, is the best time to lose one's virginity?
What are pros and cons of teenagers' sex? Is engaging in sexual activities at a rather young age gaining experience and a normal phase of adolescence, or a potentionally dangerous deed?

Not all that glitters is gold. Research shows beautiful women could shorten your life span.

A beautiful woman is the envy of many. While being beautiful does have numerous advantages, there are also disadvantages – one of which is being harmful to men’s health. It has long been said that beautiful women are hard on men’s hearts and therefore, getting in contact with them might be harmful to men’s health, raising stress hormones to dangerously high levels, says a new study...

According to the study which was carried out by Spanish researchers, when men are in the presence of a beautiful stranger they view as “out of their league,” the risks are even higher, with cortisol levels rising so high that heart attacks and strokes become real possibilities.

“This is another case of hard science proving the obvious,” said a psychiatrist, Irvin Wolkoff, who was involved with the study.

In carrying out the study, the researchers tested 84 male students by asking each one to sit in a room and solve a Sudoku puzzle. Two strangers, one male and one female, were also in the room.

The outcome of this experiment showed that when the female stranger left the room and the two men remained sitting together, the volunteer’s levels of the stress hormone cortisol did not rise. But, when the volunteer was left alone with the female stranger, his cortisol levels rose, as measured by a saliva swab.

The researchers, also explained that for most men, the presence of an attractive woman may induce the perception that there is an opportunity for courtship.

It all boils down to evolution. Since cavemen days, men have been hardwired so that when they see an attractive woman, their cortisol response kicks in to tell men to seek out that woman for mating purposes, Wolkoff says.

Even though today’s man is sophisticated and enlightened, underneath, when he sees an attractive female, he feels stress about wanting to mate with her, and worrying about whether she might already have a mate or be unresponsive.

“So by definition, sexual encounters are in the same general category as fighting or fleeing. These are stressful situations,” he says.

Wolkoff says there’s nothing wrong with feeling cortisol or andrenaline in small doses. But he says if elevated levels are sustained over extended periods of time, stress can be very unhealthy.

Dr Charles Agadu, a physician explains: “When a man sees a beautiful lady, his cortisol level rises and when the level gets too high it could lead to cardiac problems”.

Cortisol is a one of the hormones secreted by the adrenal glands in the body and this hormone is also called the fright hormone, i.e the hormone that also produces the very well known adrenalin, Agadu said.

Facts have it that when some men spend just 5mins with a beautiful lady, it causes so much stress which is not good for the heart. So for such men ,their anxiety rate will be very high as their cortisol levels will rise even higher .This might cause heart attacks and strokes because exposure to physical and psychological stresses for a long time may chronically increase cortisol levels, Agadu explains further.

Agadu stated however that, cortisol impairs the immune system thereby worsening diabetes, hypertension and impotence. But this is not to say that on sighting a beautiful woman a man just develops heart attack on the spot, but constant contact and exposure to beautiful women over time is what could make cortisol level to rise to dangerously high levels to the extent of posing a threat to a man’s life.

An Abuja based psychologist , Rukayat Jubril says that naturally, when we see beautiful things we stop to look.

According to her, this is not particular to men alone because even when a woman sees a fellow woman that is very beautiful she stops to look and admire her. If a woman experiences this, then one should expect a more spontaneous reaction from the opposite sex.

"When a man sees a beautiful woman, what comes to his mind is an imagination of what she would look like without clothes. Again, he could get worried whether if he approaches her for a relationship she would accept", Rukayat pointed out.

Fear of rejection is what can easily trigger a heart attack , especially when a man is crazy about a particular woman. There is always this fear that he might be rejected. Living with the situation for a long period of time could eventually result in the cortisol level rising gradually until it gets too bad to trigger heart problems.

This is not to say that the heart starts malfunctioning as soon as a man sets his eyes on a beautiful woman. In a situation where this suddenly happens, then the man must have had an underlying critical heart condition, she stated.

Mindset has a great role to play in his situation. There are some men that are not moved at all when they get in contact with women while some on just seeing them get aroused. It all depends on individual, the psychologist concluded.

Food that can ruin your sex life!

You are what you eat, they say. When it comes to sex, therefore, you invariably sex what you eat! It’s that simple. Truth is, what you eat affects every part of your being, your ability to become aroused, achieve orgasm and feel sexually satisfied.
This is why we have decided to share, with blessings from several experts, those foods that may be killing your sex life. Here they are:
Fried foods and chips.
Love those tantalizing bacon cheeseburgers? Well, go easy on them because the saturated fats contained in most cheeses and fatty meats will possibly, over time, clogs your arteries. But you already knew that, didn’t you? I am not sure if you knew that first arteries usually affected are the penal and vaginal arteries? They are small, which means they quickly collect plaque — so even if you’re still looking svelte despite your close personal relationship with the pastries, your sex life might be suffering.

Cookies and muffins.
Whether you prefer pastries or macaroons, scones or muffins, baked food that combine flour and sugar spike glucose levels, which can reduce sexual desire and causes hormonal imbalances. A lot of chips and other fried foods do contain trace amounts of libido lowering fats as a byproduct of processing, even though the label on your fries and chips says trans-fat. Initially though, the initial ingredients may be trans-fat free, but the processing often creates unhealthy fats which clog the ventricles, not to mention, trans-fats have been linked to reduce testosterone levels (which means lower sex drive).

Soy products.
You may have been medically advised to ingest more soy products for a healthier life, I am here to tell you that too much of it for a man can, most possibly, affect his sex drive because of their high estrogen levels. A high estrogen level in male is not libido friendly.

Dairy products.
As women, you have been told that you need a healthy dose of dairy products in your diets. As much as that is true, high-fat dairy does have a way of affecting your menstrual cycle by exacerbating cramps and bloating and further depleting energy levels.

Meat.
You have heard how much danger excessive red meat deposits into your body system, right? Now, I can go a little further to tell you that most meats, including dear poultry and fish, have added hormones, antibiotics and chemicals which create a hormonal imbalance. It gets worse, those tasty, fatty meats do contain high levels of saturated fats and cholesterol known to clog your arteries and blood vessels, making it difficult to achieve orgasm and maintain arousal. Can you now see why you need to sacrifice your taste for a healthier sex life?

Alcohol.
Think happy hour makes you happy? Try frequent happy hours and see if it doesn’t impede your getting laid! Frequent use of alcohol suppresses your libido, decreasing your sex drive and your sexual satisfaction.
Don’t say I never told you because I just did.

Odd: Spanish school offers prostitution as a professional course!

A Spanish firm offering a professional course in prostitution which it says 'guarantees a job offer on graduation,' has survived its first legal challenge to be closed down.

For €100, students are taught the history of the world's oldest profession, how to use erotic toys and the most popular positions contained within the Kama Sutra.

When your partner offends you, is starving them of love making and food, right?

Animal prostitutes and other bizarre facts

These are some weirdest facts you'll hardly believe.

Animal prostitution: Some female penguins are known to engage in prostitution. Do you still doubt why this trade is reckoned as the oldest in the world? In the wild, certain female penguins (even when in an obligated relationship) will exchange sexual favors with strange males for the pebbles they need to build their nests...hahaha! Dr Fiona Hunter (a zoologist) makes it known that it tends to be females targeting single males (at least not the married ones), otherwise the female partner will beat the female husband-snatcher up. On some occasions, the prostitute penguins trick the males by carrying out elaborate courtship ritual which leads to mating and when they get their pebbles off the unsuspecting males, they take off. Now it seems there are one or two things to learn from penguins.

Pubic wigs: In Victorian times, whores wore pubic wigs. Like seriously!! The pubic wig (merkin) has been around since the 1400s when it was originally worn by women who had shaved off their pubic hair to ward off lice. In these times, it was frequently worn by prostitutes who wanted to conceal the fact that they had diseases like syphilis. Please trust we aren't ''merkin'' this up.

Cheap sex, pricey condoms: In modern day India, it's cheaper to have sex with a prostitute than it is to buy a condom. We exactly don't know why it's like that but we think the condom factories over there would do all they can do arrest this trend. We are advocates of safer, condomized sex and frown at teenage pregnancy and STDs.


Animal rain: We have seen so many things rain on our dear planet. We even at one time had a purple rain (sic..Prince) but was it strange knowing animals do rain from the sky. Amazing Science facts point to raining animals as a relatively common meteorological phenomenon, with occurrences reported from many countries throughout history. Not to worry though, the animals likely to drop from the sky in this special rainfall are fish, frogs and birds. Good thing there are no snakes, spiders or scorpions. Recent occurrences include the rain of frogs and toads in Serbia (2005) and London (1998), and rains of fish in India (2006) and Wales (2004). Our question is when will the money rain come?

A death erection: What happens when we die? We can't know until it happens, but have you ever heard of a death erection? A death erection sometimes referred to as ''angel lust'' is a post-mortem erection which occurs when a male individual dies vertically or face-down with the cadaver remaining in this position.If an individual dies vertically such as in a hanging, the blood will settle in the legs and pool at the feet. The pressure will be greatest as the weight of the blood pushes down. This causes the blood vessels and tissues in the feet to engorge to their greatest elastic capacity and hold the greatest volume of blood possible. This effect occurs right up the legs although to a lesser extent than the feet and is also notable at the waist. The blood which remains in the torso attempts to move to a lower position due to gravity, and as the blood in the waist (which cannot move down due to the legs being full) causes the penis, consisting of erectile tissue, to fill with blood and expand. This is the death erection. As long as the body remains in this position the effect will continue. All we can say is God bless the dead.

And the very last one: the pig's orgasm. As much as we tried, we just couldn't afford not sharing this with you. In case you didn't know, a pig's orgasm lasts for about 30 minutes. Now let's all give it to the pigs. We know the poor things need to have something to make up for all that ''pigstying'' and terrible grief of continual lose of their kith and kin to the human stomach. We're secretly thinking, ''if only humans too''..hahahaha.

Dating moves that can land you in jail

We all know how hard it is to come up with dating ideas that will win your sweetheart's heart or at least  ensure you a pleasant evening at the club. While you're still searching the web for some crazy lovey-dovey moves, we brushed up on our knowledge of criminal law to keep you safe from the cops on your next love escapade. Here are some romantic ideas that will land you a date with an inmate, rather than a hot night with your lover!

1. For all you shy lovers out there, next time you're ogling your potential date from the nearest bushes or the tree in their garden, be it in hail or sun, and simultaneously drooling over their latest pictures you secretively took with your hi-tech super-zoom camera, remember the word "stalking". In case you didn't know, stalking still exists in other places besides Facebook and is in fact a criminal offense punishable in most of the countries by imprisonment for up to 5 years!
2. You'd still rather leave a big teddy-bear "from a secret admirer" or sneak into their dorm room to sniff on the hottie's perfume or roll over in his/her bed while they're out? Unfortunately, cops won't appreciate the beauty of the rose petals forming a heart on your crush's bed when they charge you with breaking and entering: which is an even more serious crime, regardless of place and time.
3. Dating back from the knight's era, there's been a general notion that a real man has to defend his fair lady against all the odds and jerks. Isn't this the main reason why guys work out so hard at the gym? One punch - and you're a hero, with all the ladies lying at your feet together with the defeated rivals. Reality check: next time you aim that hero punch, remember that beating someone up (even if it doesn't result in death, which can be very likely) is still a crime. No matter how distressed your damsel was, how malicious was the villain and how chivalrous you were trying to act, your new prison friends won't sob at your romantic gestures, but rather work out and practice their kicking skills on you (there are no gyms in most of the prisons).
4. If you're a girl, you're probably not flexing your muscles in front of your rival, but looking for some more cunning (but not less criminal) ways to get that stupid bimbo your boyfriend's staring at out of the picture. Hollywood movies teach us that there's not better way to win over a competition but spiking their drink with something nasty. Even if you're not trying to poison the second hottest chick in the club with something procured from a drugstore (or from a dealer John lurking at the door), it's still a crime, that can land you in prison for up to 10 years. We bet, 10 years without makeup and with the same clothes every day aren't worth any guy, who's not cool enough to settle down with one girl.
5. Supposedly, you got a date for tonight after all, without breaking any laws or at least without attracting the attention of patrolling police cars on the lookout for criminals. We've got a surprise for you: spicing it up in  the sex compartment can get you a uniform jumpsuit from your state anyway. Even if you're not in a Muslim state, passionately getting it on the beach (sex in public places is punishable by death in such states as the United Arab Emirates, Egypt, Thailand), you can still get in trouble! Under the law, tying your partner up to the bed and having it "a bit rough" or surprising your partner with your new sexual moves while they're asleep, was still considered a rape last time we checked. "No way!", you'll pout. Well, tell this to a Norwegian woman, who got 9 months in prison for performing oral sex on an unwilling, sleeping man.

Hope, we didn't scare you into a loveless, lonely evening. Go out, stay safe and have fun!