Escape the friend zone, move to the lovers zone!

How do you motivate a friend to be "more than friends"? How do you move forward from "just friends" to girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or lover? How do you escape the friend zone?
I often get questions like these from readers asking how to get out of "the friend zone". I have also been watching the new MTV show Friend Zone lately. So, I've decided to share my own advice for how to transition from being just a friend to a girlfriend, or just a friend to a boyfriend. Read on and learn how to go from a friend to a lover with a few simple techniques...
What is "The Friend Zone"?

For those who don't know the term, "the friend zone" refers to a situation where one individual in a friendship develops more intense feelings and wants to become "more than friends" with the other person. More often than not, the other person is unaware of the friend's desires and quite happy in the friendship-only arrangement. As a result, the person is "stuck" in the "friend zone", unable to transition from just friend to girlfriend or boyfriend.

Being stuck in a friendship and wanting more can be a frustrating position. Sometimes this frustration is sexually-motivated, with one friend desiring a physical relationship with the other. On other occasions, the friends are already sexually involved (i.e. friends-with-benefits), but there is a motivation to transition into a "relationship" as a committed girlfriend or boyfriend. In other instances, both motivations play a role. Nevertheless, in any case, wanting more than you are currently getting is a heart-wrenching situation. The "friend zone" is not an easy place to live!
Why Does "The Friend Zone" Happen?

Before I help you get out of the friend zone, we first need to discuss why people get stuck there in the first place. Essentially, all relationships are social exchanges (for more, see here). This means that people set up give-and-take agreements, usually without discussion, to get what they want from the other person and give what they are willing to give.

When someone gets stuck in the friend zone, they have entered into an exchange friendship that isn't even. The other person is getting everything he/she wants...but the person stuck in the friend zone isn't. In a nutshell, the friend zone person sold himself or herself short. They gave their "friend" everything, without making sure they got everything they wanted in return.
How to Escape the Friend Zone

To escape the friend zone, you must first realize that all relationships involve negotiation - and you are attempting to "re-negotiate" the current exchange. Essentially, you want "more" from the other person. Most likely, you are already giving too much and what you really want is for them to balance the scales.

Fortunately, there are a few influence principles that do indeed balance the scales. Using those principles, we can devise a few steps to get you out of the friend zone:

1) Be Less Interested - The relationship is already imbalanced because you value it more than the other person. Take a step back. Being "needy" is no way to negotiate. Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want. So, be less interested and ready to walk away if you don't get the relationship you want. Those who are more willing to walk away have the power to guide the relationship (called the "Least Interested Principle" - Waller & Hill, 1951).

2) Make Yourself Scarce - Spend some time away from your "friend" and do less for them. If they truly appreciate you, then your absence will make them miss you and want you more. This is the principle of "Scarcity" - where people value something more when it is rare or taken away from them (Cialdini, 2009). When you are no longer around as much or tending to their needs, they will most likely feel the loss. This will increase their desire for you and their willingness to meet your needs back. If it doesn't, then they are just "not that into you"...and don't value you. In that case, find another "friend".

3) Create Some Competition - Go out and make some other "friends" of the sex you are attracted to. Broaden your social network. Then, talk about these new friends with the friend you desire. Competition and a little jealousy are another great way to develop "Scarcity" (Cialdini, 2009). People value more what they think they might lose. If you are "busy" with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention. If you don't see any "jealousy" though, then they might not want to be "more than friends". In that case, set your sights on someone new!

4) Get Them To Invest - Ask your friend to do things for you. Contrary to popular belief, people like you more when THEY do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them (for more, see here). This is called the Ben Franklin Effect (Jecker & Landry, 1969). The more they invest in the relationship, the more you will mean to them. So, stop doing favors...and start asking for them. Get them to give you a ride, study with you, fix something, etc. Heck, even asking them to get you a soda from the fridge has an impact!

5) Be Rewarding - Don't forget to be grateful and reward your friend when they behave as you desire. After they are good to you, remember to be good to them back. Being attentive and affectionate, only when they do what you like, encourages them to continue those behaviors. Also, ignoring them when they behave badly helps to reduce unwanted behaviors. Always remember to keep anenvironment of mutual gratitude flowing too.

Taking It From There

Applying the steps above will balance the value and exchange in the relationship. It will highlight how truly valuable, desirable, and important you are to your "friend". Essentially, it will raise your status and worth in their eyes. You might even be able to pick up the change in their body language when you are around.

Signs she wants you to ask her out!

Sometimes it’s hard to know if a girl is sending you signals to ask her out, or if she is just friendly, or is actually obsessed with your friend, or what. But watch closely for these cues, because if she’s throwing them at you, it means she’s probably hoping you ask her out.

So just work up the courage to do it and do it. Godspeed!

1. She starts liking something random you like after you mentioned you liked it. Oh, what’s that? She likes Neko Case all of the sudden? Wowza, what a huge coincidence. She knows all about the Manchester United game even though two days ago she knew sh*t about soccer? Holy smokes. She knows all about the new Kid Cudi album that just dropped after you were just saying how excited you were about it? Yeah, these aren’t coincidences, so don’t overlook them. Don’t make her feel dumb by saying, “Oh please you said you hate soccer!”

Follow her lead. Let her brag about her new knowledge. Teach her something new. Plan a date around it. Because you’re definitely going to want to ask her out.

2. She touches your arm a lot. Sorry, it’s all we’ve got, guys. We want to touch you but many places seem off limits. Touching your face would make us feel like we are in a Hallmark commercial, touching your chest would make us feel like we were in a Lifetime movie, and touching your junk would make us feel like we were in a bado. Basically, that leaves the arm. So we touch it a lot if we are interested. If you can think of something better let us know.

3. She laughs at everything you say. Yeah, even when you aren’t really saying anything that funny. Sorry. It’s something we can’t help and we probably aren’t proud of. It’s not that we are faking it, we are just really giddy to be around you if we have a crush on you. So everything seems a little lighter, a little more fun, and a little more likely to make us bust our gut or snort or… I’m just not going to say it.

4. She keeps asking you to do the most odd, unrelationships things. If she keeps asking you to do non-date things, like going to weird comedy shows that are sort of far away or going to her brother’s baseball game or feeding the neighbor’s cat, she is doing the dance of doing absolutely everything except for asking you out on a real date. So why don’t you do everyone a favor and ask her out? You both will have a better time doing something other than working her hectic charity event or helping her move.

5. She sends you mail. Real mail. She had to get paper and a writing device — which are increasingly becoming hard to come by. She had to write with her handwriting, which she hardly does anymore. She put way more thought into her words since she wasn’t just shooting them out on her keyboard. And she licked and sealed the envelope. That is love. Or at least mega-like. Ask her out, for goodness sake.

6. She always wants to be in pictures with you. Are there a disproportionate amount of pictures of you with her than with other people? Especially guys? She wants be be part of your life. She wants to show you off. She wants you to remember her. She is inserting herself into your life in the only way she can without asking you out.

She has agreed to do anything you have suggested so far. If you’re asking her to do anything with a group of friends or anything non-datey, and you hardly have to finish the question “Do you want to go rock climb…” or “Do you want to grab a bee…” before she says yes, she’d rather be doing these things as your girlfriend.

Especially if she says it like it’s not even a question. Of course she will! With gusto, she’ll be there with bells on! She’s psyched about anything because you will be there.

8. She hasn’t mentioned any other guys in your presence. That’s because she’s not thinking of any other guys. And she won’t even bring up friend boys, because she doesn’t want you to assume they are boyfriends.

9. She brings you something when you're sick or similarly cooks you anything ever. Yeah, she’s showing you her nurturing side. It’s not because she’s filling some gender role, she’s just seizing the opportunity to be sweet. It’s an easy in to make you a casserole or drop by with some ginger ale.

10. You have met her friends and they seem surprisingly psyched to meet you. They are already excited to see you and already know what you do because they have heard about you. In fact, they might be sick of you. They might be thinking, “Will you just ask her out already?” So go ahead and do it.

Men's world: silence as a way of communication

Have you ever wondered why men go silent?

I know every woman at sometime in her life has wondered the real answer to his “lack of communication.”

If you’ve ever wondered, asked, or talked about anything below then I’m urging you to read on because I’m going to give you the real truth behind his silence…and all of your questions…

“Why won’t he talk to me?” “

“Why do guys hide their feelings?”

“Why won’t he tell me he loves me?”

“Why are men seem afraid to talk about their feelings?”

“Every time I want to talk about where our relationship is going he gets angry and cold.”

“All he does is nod and say ‘uh hu’ and then goes right back to his game or whatever he is doing. What does he always ignore me when I just want him to listen?”

“I ask him an important question which only requires a simple answer and it’s like he doesn’t even care.”

It’s my bet you can not wait to hear the absolute truth. I bet you’re just itching for an answer. I bet I can keep teasing you until you smack me up side the head.

And I bet if I keep this up you’re going to assume I’m like every other guy you’ve known refusing to answer what seems to be a simple question about how I feel. :)


Ahhh I got you there. Okay…I”ll get on with it.

But first you’re going to need a reminder or an education on the evolution of the male side.

Men are instinctively natural-born hunters and we’ve evolved from that. So talking was not exactly the smartest thing to do when we were hunting our next meal.

Hunting often requires almost complete silence.

If we’re in a group we could use hand gestures (or actions) to formulate the attack. And the last thing we wanted to do was scare away our prey. Now this is just a theory but the guy who did scare away dinner probably didn’t make it home…
Silence equals safety especially when dealing with an animal who could rip us to shreds.

This and a few others reasons is why man’s primary form of communication evolved differently than women. Therefore men have learned to communicate with actions, hand gestures, and directly focused eye contact.

So what does this have to do with men not sharing their feelings or talking intimately with their wives, girlfriends, or even the quiet girl at the end of the bar just looking to meet a nice guy?

As I mentioned above we are action orientated. It’s not often what is coming out of our mouths but what we do. And we’ve learned to be very good at it. (At least in our minds because sometimes it’s hard for men to clearly see how you might be missing our point or how you’re looking for vocal reassurance on how we feel about you or anything.)

Consider this because it explains how our actions will ALWAYS show how we feel.

When a guy is acting sweet…

When he is sharing intimate moments with you…

When he is there for you…

When he wants to be in your life…

That is our action orientated way of telling you we care. And yes in our minds we may be guilty of assuming you are understanding us when you don’t.

Now that I’ve shown you a little about how a man’s mind works and how it’s more important you understand our actions means more than our words….

Why will a guy choose silence over talking to a woman?

There are several reasons for this and I’ll give you a small glimpse into what a man might be thinking in certain situations:

“I didn’t want to lie about how you looked or how I felt that day.”

“You didn’t look good and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and cause a huge fight over something I feel is trivial.”

“I don’t want to ruin my day. Let’s say I’m having a great day and then you ask me a question which I know will lead to a huge discussion about how we feel about each other and if I don’t answer correctly it will end up in a fight.”

“I don’t think about our relationship as much as you do. I believe if things are going good we should just go with it. Why bother rocking the boat.”

And how about this.

Our vulnerability must be kept in check. If we open up too much we’re considered a wuss.

If we open up too little we’re considered a jerk.

It’s a fine line to walk and most men will opt for the jerk side because, well, we’re men and not wusses. Just like in court anything we say can and WILL be used against us at later time.

Think of a man who has been in a few failed relationships. It only stands to reason he is expecting another breakup. He could actually have a fear under a bad breakup you might reveal his intimate private secrets.

Sure it’s probably not going to happen but I believe men do fear that a woman will tell everyone his secrets which will make him appear less than a man.

Next up…

There are groups of men who do not have a clear understanding of what love is. And the last thing men want to do is tell a woman he loves her only to find out his definition of love is different from hers.

Our mom’s love us growing up.

Our father’s act like we do, men.

Add puberty and sex to the equation of “love” it can be very difficult for any guy to conceptualize what love really is.

I know that may be confusing so think of it this way.

We’re taught to love our Mothers and respect our Fathers. And now we’re supposed to love our girlfriends and respect her too. When you add our raging hormones demanding we procreate and release our sexual frustration you get one confused man who probably functions much better by just keeping his mouth shut.
Like I clearly stated above…. sometimes it’s just best to keep quiet because… Being quiet means being safe.

Lastly I want you to consider how confused men can get and why it could easily cause him to go silent.

We all know men who have been at least fairly successful with women despite their inability to communicate with her. He might even believe…

“Why should I start saying anything when what I am doing is working?”

To him he’s only doing what has works and if he tries something different this can cause more problems than he’s willing or able to solve.

And what about…
When a man shares too much of how he feels he appears needy.

When a man doesn’t share enough of his feelings he could miss out on something or find the only women who are attracted to him are interested in changing him. By constantly trying to open him up.

If we share too much of our feelings too quickly women assume we’re us only interested in her body. When in reality the guy only uses what he was either taught or refuse to learn how to attract her. These are typically the guys who over-compliment or tend to objectify women constantly.

Let’s wrap up all this because I’m getting the feeling you’re a little confused. I may not be getting my point across because well – these are just words and I’m a guy…I need action.
Man’s primitive design gives us the blueprint -> Silence is safe.
Man’s primitive design teaches actions and not words.
Men are brought up often leaving them more confused about what love really is. And it’s best for him to not communicate his deepest feelings because they may be different from yours.
His fear of being seen as less than a man is a major cause of men who refrain from expressing their feelings. You might call this an instinctive urge to protect his “male ego.”
A fear of being vulnerable also means, as above, not feeling safe.
Lastly – men everywhere have still managed to raise families or have long-term relationships despite clear verbal communication with the opposite sex. For lots of men this often means saying less is better because it has worked and will continue to work.

Take a minute to consider all what I’ve shown you today so the next time your man goes silent or fails to communicate how he feels you’ll have a deeper understanding of all the reasons why.

Now I’m not asking you to just deal with it, and I’m not suggesting an answer to getting him to open up, merely just a verbal explanation so you can begin to understand him better.

Ways to be romantic all the time!

10 ways to be romantic all the time

When you’re new in love, even the cheesiest of gestures can feel so romantic.

But as the relationship ages, awkwardness starts to set in and the cheesy ‘you-complete-me’ lines start to diminish.

Now that doesn’t mean you love your partner less.

It only means your infatuation has passed over and you’re now back in your senses.

So how can you be romantic and express your feelings without being cheesy to the point where you have to curl your toes inside your shoes as you say something?

Well, there are ways.

If you feel awkward to walk down a street holding a bouquet of flowers or wearing a tee shirt that says “I’m with Stupid!” fret not, because love doesn’t always have to be cheesy or corny.

How to be romantic without being cheesy

To be romantic, you need to understand the essence of romance.

What is romance, and what is being romantic?

To put it simply, being romantic is a way of letting your partner know that you still love them, and letting them know that you depend on them and need them. And finally, being romantic is all about creating memories.

If you can do any of these things in your own way, you’re definitely being romantic no matter what you do.

To get you started off on the right foot, here are 10 ideas on how to be romantic. Use your own ideas and modify them to fit your needs.

And once you truly understand these 10 romance tips, you’d definitely be a romantic, in your heart and on your sleeve.

#1 The little things you do. Love is in the details, we’ve all heard that but hardly a few of us ever do anything about it. If you want to be romantic, learn to be selfless. Go out of your way to d pleasant smile on their face. Do something unexpected at times.

If your man’s late for a big meeting, pick out his clothes and place them neatly for him to wear it. If your woman wants to pick up a new book or has to head out late in the evening, start your car and wait for her on the driveway to give her a lift.

#2 Give your attention. When you’re out with your partner, don’t ignore them, especially when you’re with others. Just because you’re having an interesting conversation with someone else doesn’t mean you should neglect your partner. Instead, involve your partner and make them feel like they’re the center of your world.

#3 Talk about feelings. Yes, this seems rather obvious at first. But how often do you ever come home at the end of a long day, sit close to your partner and talk about your day?

And how often do you ever just spend a lazy Sunday afternoon cozying up and talking about the good old days when you first met, about each other’s likes and dislikes and about how special and important your partner is to you? Signs of affection may mean a lot in love, but staying connected plays an important role too.

#4 Compete with each other. Competition works in two ways. If you let ego get in the way, you’ll hate each other after a friendly fight. But if you respect each other, a bit of fun and games can bring both of you closer together and bring in a lot of laughs too.

Play games, be it a pillow fight, a board game or a game on the console. Compete with each other, and congratulate each other. There are no losers here. When you’re done playing, both of you will feel happier, more relaxed and cuddly, more in love and a lot more affectionate towards each other.

#5 Take breaks often. If both of you are leading busy lives away from each other, go away on a vacation or a little getaway a few times a year to rekindle the together times and the romance. Even an overnight getaway will do just fine. Take time to isolate yourselves from the world, because it’s the only way to realize how special both of you are to each other.

#6 Create memories. Memories last a lifetime. There’s nothing in the world that can feel more romantic and romance inducing as perfect memories. As time flies, we forget those stolen glances and those special moments that are so full of love. Create memories often, either by snapping away your cherished moments or by videotaping it.

Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to watch a happy anniversary surprise or a funny prank a decade later? Romance doesn’t always have to be about love, at times, happiness can be just as romantic.

#7 Be nice to each other, especially when both of you are out together. If you’re the guy, be chivalrous. If you’re the girl, compliment your man and make him feel like a protector. When you treat each other with love and respect, you subconsciously feel better about yourself and the relationship. And when someone’s nice to you, you can’t help but be nice back in return. This is the reason why perfect first dates are so romantic.

Go out of your ways to make the other person feel special no matter how long you you’ve been in a relationship with each other. It’ll make every moment feel so much more romantic and beautiful.

#8 Publicize your love. Love is experienced between two people, but is best experienced when the world knows all about it. As much as love may be a private moment, we’re still humans with the need to feel better about ourselves. Your partner may not care about public shows of affection, but don’t stop indulging in it.

Make proclamations of love in public or surprise your partner by having flowers or gifts delivered to their workplace. It may be embarrassing, but it always feels good to be the lucky one who’s getting showered with attention.

If you don’t like displaying your love in the open, buy little inexpensive gifts for your partner when you go shopping by yourself. It shows that you think about your lover all the time, and it really is a very special and romantic gesture.

#9 Hug your partner. Or kiss them when they least expect it. Have you ever felt an overwhelming rush of affection towards your partner? Don’t stop yourself when you feel love well up inside you. If your lover’s working or cooking, walk up from behind and give them a warm hug and a kiss for no reason at all.

When you hug your lover and rest all your weight on them helplessly, it’ll make your partner either laugh out or feel protective about you. And let’s not forget, it is a really romantic way to say ‘I love you’.

#10 Humor. Tease each other all the time. Have fun, play little games, and pull each other’s legs and cuddle at the end of it all. The more you laugh and have a good time with each other, the more love and romance you’ll bring into the relationship.

Sometimes, it’s alright to be a child and indulge in silly games with each other. Ever watched a cute couple pillow fight on the telly? You can’t help smiling, can you? Indulge in the same silly things, and you’ll truly know how to be romantic.
If you’re looking for ways on how to be romantic and loving without being cheesy, just use these 10 ideas and create your own magical moments in romance. It’ll definitely bring more love and romance into your lives.

Rules of Marriage Everyone Should Know

Every married person knows to be faithful, stay truthful and be there for his/her partner through good and es - they’re in the wedding vows, after all. But most seasoned couples would admit that some unspoken rules are vital for getting past rough patches and growing stronger as a couple.
Here, experts share 10 of the less apparent (but just as important) marriage rules to live by:
1. Don’t criticize your partner’s parents or friends.
You know how it is-your family can tick you off but no one else had dare speak ill of them. That’s why you should tread carefully with your in-laws and your husband’s dearest friends. “Even when he’s venting to you, your contributions can put him on the defensive,” explains LeslieBeth Wish, EdD, a Florida-based psychologist and licensed clinical social worker. “When you take position A, you prompt your partner to take position B.” Instead, says Dr. Wish, put yourself in his position so that you can empathize with him.

2. Tell your spouse about any ex encounters.
Whether you get a Facebook friend request or run into an old flame at your kid’s soccer game, keeping the news to yourself could backfire, despite having zero feelings for the ex. “If there’s nothing to hide, why hide it?” says Deb Castaldo, PhD, a couples and family therapist and professor at Rutgers University School of Social Work in New Brunswick, NJ. “That leads to an air of secrecy and dishonesty,” she says. Just clue in your hubby matter-of-factly: Try, “I knew it was only a matter of time before old boyfriends came out of the woodwork on Facebook. I got a friend request from one and ignored it.” Or, “I saw my ex in the mall today. His kids are cute. Glad to see his life turned out nicely.”

3. Keep unsolicited advice to yourself.
Offer your support, lend your ear, but avoid speaking in an “I know what’s best” tone. “We give advice because we’re trying to be helpful, but it’s seen as criticism when we offer too many corrections,” says Harriet Lerner, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. This goes for everything from your husband’s outfit choices to how he deals with a work issue. Give your spouse space to make decisions and gain confidence through trial and error-and ask that he do the same for you, says Dr. Lerner. “What matters in a relationship is not that things get done ‘right,’ but that two people are dedicated to contributing to each other’s happiness.”

4. Don’t take charge all the time.
Whether you fold all the laundry because you don’t like how your husband does it or you manage the finances because you don’t think he’s as careful, you may feel more at ease doing all the work. But stop! “The spouse who does the rescuing can become tired of that role,” says Dr. Wish–and resentful that everything is on her shoulders, even if she volunteered for that burden. Get in the habit of asking your partner, “What do you think works best here?” or telling him, “I could use a hand cleaning out the pantry.” These requests will foster the idea that you’re teammates.

5. Don’t bring up past arguments.
Or at least put a statute of limitations on them. “People repeat ancient disagreements because they haven’t resolved the problem,” says Dr. Castaldo. Letting things fester often causes marriages to break down, she says. It’s important to address issues as they happen and come to some sort of resolution–agreeing to disagree counts. “Leave it there, and respect each other’s opinion,” she says.

6. Choose your battles, but don’t stifle your feelings.
“There’s going to be toothpaste globs here and Post-it notes there; that’s human nature,” says Dr. Wish. “You have to be able to say, ‘this isn’t important.’” Or if it is, speak up. “Tell your partner why it bothers you and that you’d like to work on a solution,” suggests Dr. Wish. You’d be surprised what you could learn about each other. For instance, your husband may not leave dirty dishes in the sink anymore if you explain that your childhood home was piled high with plates and you were stuck washing them. It’s also important to understand that he’s not plotting to upset you every time he’s sloppy or forgetful. A simple request like: “Honey, it’d be great if you could pick up the dry cleaning while you’re out” beats getting mad that he didn’t offer to help with errands.

7. Don’t post private thoughts or photos publicly.
You may not want to be tagged in a politically charged rant he starts or he may not want you to share photos of the kids. And you each deserve the other person’s respect for those wishes. “Discuss the ground rules regarding posting about yourself, as a couple and about the other person,” says Dr. Castaldo. And no matter what, don’t take your grievances with your husband to the masses for support. “It’s destructive to air conflicts on Facebook,” she warns.

8. Log off.
When your attention is focused elsewhere, your spouse is bound to feel unimportant. So make quality time a top priority and restrict tech gadget use if necessary, says Dr. Wish. “Pay attention to the concept of ratio: How much time am I spending doing this compared to how much time I’m spending with my family?” she says. Create a rule that works for your household and stick to it, whether it’s no devices at the dinner table, shutting down phones at 8 p.m. or going gadget-free on weekend afternoons.


9. Don’t use the “D” word (divorce, that is).
Even in the heat of an argument, avoid threatening to pack your bags or head to the lawyer’s office. Besides the “D” word being downright hurtful, repeated warnings may result in a spouse calling the other’s bluff. “We act as if the intensity of our anger gives us license to say or do anything,” says Dr. Lerner. “But threatening divorce is never useful, and it only makes the probability of separation more likely.”

10. Be each other’s number one.
In other words, be wary of outsider influence, like a friend putting relationship-threatening ideas in your head or work or hobbies competing for your attention. “Happy couples have just as much conflict as those who divorce, but they know ways to get through it,” says Dr. Castaldo. “A couple has to have a strong boundary around themselves and they can’t allow anybody to get in between.”

True meaning of men's words revealed!

1.“I’M GOING FISHING”
Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and Stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
*
2.“IT’S A GUY THING”
Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, And you have no chance at all of making it logical”.
*
3.“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
*
4.“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…”
Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
*
5.“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Means: “I have no idea how it works.”
*
6.“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU, IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”
*
7.“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD”.
Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
*
8.“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Means: “Are you still talking?”
*
9.“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of The first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of Every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
*
10.“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES”.
Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
*
11.“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death Before I admit that I’m hurt.”
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12.“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING”.
Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
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13.“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
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14.“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Means: “What did you catch me at?”
*
15.“I HEARD YOU.”
Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am Hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t Spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
*
16.“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
*
17.“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”
*
18.“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
*
19.“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”

How to recognize a liar!

Being a human lie detector is not a difficult thing. You simply need to understand the tale-tell signs and tactics that are inherent of every liar. Here are five basic signs that are common to most liars:

*They Relax & Become Happier When You Change The Subject*
A topic in which the person is deceptive on will cause them to be tense and have anxiety. If you think that they are being deceptive, then you should switch topics on them to something different and watch how they react to the change. If they suddenly appear to be more happy and relaxed, then this can be a sign that they were trying to be deceptive before you switched topics on them.

*They Stall for More Time*
Someone who is sure of themselves or honest will usually have an honest answer for an honest question and it will come to them with little thinking involved. Not true with the liar. When a liar is caught off guard, they require time to formulate a response that sounds legitimate. Therefore, they might employ a stall tactic to buy more time. One commonly used way a liar buys more time is by employing rhetorical questions such as:

“Can you repeat the question?”

“What do you think?”

“Could you be more specific?”

They repeat the same question back to you

Recognize these kinds of questions as delay tactics, used to buy more time to create a believable lie.

*They Use Absolutes*
Absolutes should be a red flag to you when a person is trying to be deceptive because absolutes are most often lies in and of themselves. Absolutes are words like, “always,” “never,” “every time,” “everyone.” Listen carefully for absolutes because they are used in two main functions: when the person is trying to persuade you to do something, or when they are getting defensive about something they did. It’s a known fact of life that there are no absolutes. Even the cleanest person has gotten their hands dirty at one point. No one is perfect and we learn from our mistakes–that is why absolutes are often associated with deceptive behavior–because they are untrue to begin with.

*They Don’t Defend Their Honor*
When a person is faced with a false accusation, the normal tendency is to become outraged and react aggressively towards that accusation because it’s an attack on their reputation and their honor–both of which an individual has a psychological need to defend. “How dare you say that to me,” would be a typical honest response to a false accusation. The liar, however, will not protest the accusation, but rather be focusing more on what to tell you in an effort not to sound as guilty. They might use stall tactics such as blurting out a “NO….” and then pausing to follow it up with some type of rational explanation.

*They use “Just Kidding”*
While most of us use the phrase, “Just Kidding,” as a common part of our conversation to playfully jest at another person, there is a psychological aspect to this phrase. “Just kidding” is a minimizer phrase, meaning that it downplays the harshness of what was said before it. Even if we are innocently joking, there is at least some partial truth in what we just said, otherwise we wouldn’t have said it in the first place. We then slap on the minimizing phrase, “Just Kidding,” as a way to show the other person that it was “all in good fun.” It might be all in good fun, but remember that when someone says this phrase, they probably believe it–at least a little.

The Rules of Long-Term Relationships

1. Thinking positively about your partner. Having positive thoughts about your partner means that you focus on the good, not the bad, in your partner’s personal qualities and character. Ruminating about the things that bother you can only lead you to magnify the small foibles which will make your partner even more irritating to you than you would otherwise feel.  People in good

From the doctor’s desk: 10 bad habits that can seriously damage your brain

Well, according to a report on Medicalopedia, there are ten habits, that can potentially cause serious damage to the brain. And they are:

1. No Breakfast: People who do nottake breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. Th is leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing braindegeneration.

2. Overeating: It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking: It causes multiple brainshrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

4. High Sugar Consumption: Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution: The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation: Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping: Sleeping with the head covered, increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

8. Working your brain during illness : Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well asdamage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts: Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely: Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.

How to get over a heartbreak

Few things in life are more painful than the end of a relationship, whether it's a marriage of 20 years or a romance of just a few months. There are no hard and fast rules for getting over it: your psyche needs time to mourn what you've lost and heal.

That takes more time for some people than for others. In some ways, a broken heart never truly heals. But with time and a liberal amount of self-evaluation, you will recover.
Be There For Yourself
It's easy to beat yourself up after your heart has been broken---to berate yourself for your naiveté, chide yourself for perceived mistakes or worry that you'll never be happy again. Don't allow yourself to fall into that trap. It's natural to feel sad: you've lost something that meant a great deal to you, and you need to allow those emotions to come out. But neither should you succumb to negative thoughts or beliefs about your future. Work on identifying unrealistic negative thoughts or times when you're beating yourself up for no go reason. When you spot these thoughts or moments, try shifting to a more positive mode of thinking: find something to feel optimistic about and look to the future, not the past.
No Contact
If you've been hurt, you need to stop the pain before you can properly heal. Every relationship leaves artifacts, from pictures to knickknacks to little items that symbolized your love. Get rid of them. Box them up and hide them somewhere where you won't be tempted to look at them: the garage, the basement or a self-storage facility. Hide your ex's contact info, or get rid of it if you feel you can. Don't respond to phone calls or email, and don't give into the temptation to contact him or her. Doing so only keeps the wound from closing.
Look for Opportunities
While you shouldn't think about another relationship until you are fully healed, you can look upon this time as a chance to explore new sides of yourself. Take up a new hobby: something you've always wanted to try but haven't. Learn to paint, keep a journal or engage in something you love like gardening or video games. Many experts recommend a regular exercise program. Not only does it keep you healthy and maintain high energy levels, but it helps take your mind off the stress of a lost relationship. Go home for awhile: spend a few nights in your old room at your parents' house and get in touch with the child you once were. The more at peace you are with yourself as yourself, the more readily your broken heart will heal.

What Your Sleeping Position with Your Partner Reveals About Your Relationship

You know how in movies, couples always wake up entwined around each other romantically, and neither of them seem to have cramps in their neck or even morning breath? Yeah, so not real life.

In real life, sleeping together every night can become a lot less romantic as a relationship goes on, but the way you're doing it might reveal something important about your relationship. According to psychologists, since people can't fake body language when they sleep, nights are the time when people are the most honest and vulnerable, and couples fall into sleeping habits that reflect their personalities and preferences.

Wanna know about the sleeping positions? Of course you do! Here you go:

Spoons (Male): Especially common in the first few years of a relationship or marriage, some couples sleep in this traditional position, where the guy is the big spoon, or the spoon on the outside. Here, the guy is taking the lead and protecting his lover, and the position reveals a strong sexuality and feeling of security.

Pillow Talk: If you like to sleep face to face, you're a couple that needs one-to-one contact and to talk in bed.

Lovers Knot: In this position, couples lay face to face with their legs intertwined for a brief period, then separate to sleep.The couples show a loving independence by showing a sign intimacy and then separating to sleep apart.

Spoons (Female): This time, the woman is the outside or big spoon, taking charge and protecting her guy.

The Lovers: See "Lovers Knot" above, only the couple stays in the entwined face to face position all night. This is for new couples who can't bear to be separated or who are born romantics.

The Romantic: Speaking of romantic, this is the stuff of movie love scenes, where the woman sleeps with her head and arm on the man's chest. It's common in new or rekindled relationships.

Superwoman: Are you a bed hog, Superwoman? Here, the woman sleeps in a stretched out star fish position and the man hangs off the bed. The guy in this couple doesn't mind taking a secondary position and letting the woman take her space.

Superman: Reverse the above. here, the guy likes to have his way and the woman is OK with that.

Rules for a better life

1. Have a firm handshake.
2. 
   Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with ! children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for our convenience, not the caller's.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the
32. things you didn't do more than the one's you did.
33. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
34. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
35. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
36. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
37. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
38. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
39. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
40. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
41. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
42. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
43. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
44. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
45. Become someone's hero.
46. Marry only for love.
47. Count your blessings.
48. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
49. Wave at the children on a school bus.
50. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.

Don't expect life to be fair.

Why Do Girls Get It All Wrong When They Try To Attract Guys' Attention?

How come so many women get it all wrong when they try to catch a man’s attention?

They actually believe that if they dress and behave like sluts, guys would notice them at once and get seriously interested and, who knows, might be even tempted to start dating. Sure, some men like chicks who are easy, no one’s disputing that, but these are not exactly pleasant men who are great to be with. These are mostly inarticulate boring lowlifes who are out in search of a quick shag that they usually perform very badly. Not to mention the possibility of catching a sexually transmitted disease, or even a whole bouquet of them.

But there’s another strange thing that chicks do. Say they have good legs but otherwise are very ordinate looking, so they would wear embarrassingly short skirts that would reveal most of their thighs or, if they are blessed by ample breasts, they’d make them as visible as possible. It’s called nipple flashing, in case you didn’t know. What do they think men take them for? Exactly, easily available chicks, that’s what they take them for. Not to mention that when a woman bares her best parts for public consumption her less impressive assets become even more obvious. It just doesn’t work, girls, this best asset flashing, and it doesn’t make you look appealing or sexy. Sexy actually is about staying covered and radiating a bit of mystery and not showing off your flesh for all sorts of punks to ogle.

And then there’s the loud unprovoked laughter that so many women think makes them look appealing. As in: Oh, I’m so easy going and laid back and comfortable with my looks that I can laugh like a hyena for now reason. It’s a serious problem, this unprovoked loud laughter, by the way, with more and more chicks doing it in the mistaken belief that it makes them look exciting. It’s actually very annoying and on the scale of things that turn men off in women probably competes with chipped nails and BO.

And then there’s this obsession with the latest fashion trends, even the most stupidest ones, that so many chicks have. They seem to think that looking like ten million other women makes them stand out in the crowd. It doesn’t. It makes them look stupid and, what is even worse, it tells men that they have no other way of making themselves interesting or desirable, apart from wearing some idiotic outfit designed by some sick and twisted bastard who calls himself a ‘designer’.

Which brings me, quite unexpectedly for some, I suppose, to my main point: men like women who are glamorous, in a proper way that is, who are not showing off their flesh in abundance in the hope that it makes them look remarkable or eccentric. Sluttiness has had its day, girls. It’s for truck drivers, builders, footballers and actors or other men with low expectations when it comes to women. Proper guys are fed up with chicks who look like hookers. They want to go out with women who can actually string a sentence together and maybe go beyond talking about shows or soaps on the box. Intelligence is what holds relationships together. If two people don’t know what to say to each other, like it happens with so many celebrity couples, they get bored and walk away.

So what I’m saying here, girls, is that reading a good book or even a couple and not staying glued to the box for days might raise your chances of meeting good men. Despite what feminists tell you, who want you to go about looking like cheap hookers and feeling liberated.

Surprising relationship myths

There are hundreds of myths about relationships, according to Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, a Michigan clinical psychologist and author of "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great" (Delacorte Press, 2009). The problem with persistent myths is that they can erode a relationship's happiness, she said.

When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn't, frustration sets in. And "frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship," Orbuch said, and "it's directly tied to these myths."

That's why it's so critical to bust the below misconceptions. So without further ado, here are eight myths about relationships that might surprise you.

1. Myth: A good relationship means that you don't have to work at it.
Fact: "The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work," said Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena and Los Angeles, who specializes in emotionally focused therapy with couples. She believes that our culture, education system and parenting styles don't prepare us for the fact that even good relationships take effort.

She likened a healthy relationship to a good garden. "It's a beautiful thing but you wouldn't expect it to thrive without a whole lot of labor and TLC."

But how do you know if you're working too hard on a relationship? One sign, according to Blum, is if you're feeling unhappy more than you're happy. In other words, are you spending more time tending to the relationship and keeping it afloat than enjoying it?

This unhappiness becomes less of a rough patch, and more like the "normal state of affairs," she said.

Another bad sign is if you're trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don't see the same level of effort on your partner's part. "There has to be some sense of 'we're trying really hard, both making changes and that's making a difference.'"

On the flip side, if both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that's a good sign, Blum said.

2. Myth: If partners really love each other, they know each other's needs and feelings.
Fact: "It's a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind," Blum said — because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that's essentially what you're doing. We develop this expectation as kids, she said. But "as adults, we're always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs."

And once you've communicated your needs and feelings, "a better measure of the quality of your relationship" is whether your partner actually listens to your words.

3. Myth: If you're truly in love, passion will never fade.
Fact: Thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love someone, "the passion, urging and loving" never go away. And if they do disappear, then "it must not be the right relationship" or "our relationship [must be] in trouble," Orbuch said. However, passion naturally diminishes in all relationships.

Daily routines are one of the culprits, Blum said. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples have less and less time and energy for each other.

But this doesn't mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion. Blum sees many relationships where passion is alive and well. "Passionate sex is a byproduct of sustained emotional intimacy along with a continuing sense of adventure and exploration and sense of playfulness." Orbuch also has emphasized the importance of couples doing new things to perk up their relationships.

And when it comes to passion-squashing routines, Blum suggested couples ask themselves: "How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?"

4. Myth: Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage.
Fact: Studies have shown that relationship happiness actually decreases with every child, she said. This doesn't mean that you start loving each other less or that you won't bond at all over your child, Orbuch said. But the mounting challenges can complicate relationships.

Having realistic expectations helps couples prepare themselves for their new roles, she said. When you think that a child will improve your relationship, it only adds to the complications.

As Orbuch said, "'should' statements don't allow you to see what the other person is doing to strengthen and manage the relationship," and these expectations "cloud your judgment." She recommended planning ahead and talking about the changes that will occur when you have your first child or more kids.

5. Myth: Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring.
Fact: Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof), she said. Take the following example: If you have a jealous partner, you might try to show them how much you care so they don't get jealous. But you soon realize that any amount of caring isn't a cure for their jealous reactions.

While you can be supportive, according to Orbuch, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own. "No matter what you do, you can't make your partner feel more secure" or "change their self-confidence."

Trying to make your partner jealous also can backfire. While men and women are just as likely to experience jealousy, their reactions differ. Men either get very defensive or angry, believing that the relationship isn't worth it, Orbuch said. Women, on the other hand, respond by trying to improve the relationship or themselves.

6. Myth: Fights ruin relationships.
Fact: In actuality, what ruins relationships is not resolving your fights, Blum said. "Fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air."

Also, the type of fight a couple has plays a role. Not surprisingly, nasty, scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution-less and not talking for days damage the relationship. Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with "some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement," Blum said. (Here's help on improving your communication and becoming a better listener and speaker.)

7. Myth: In order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change.
Fact: Many times we're very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes.

Unless, there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity, Blum said, it takes two to make changes.

But even more than that, it's up to you to figure out what you can do. While this seems "simple and obvious," 100 percent of the couples Blum sees point the finger.

"It's a profound mental shift to look at 'what can I do' [and] 'what changes can I make.'"

8. Myth: Couples therapy means your relationship is really in trouble.
Fact: By the time couples seek therapy, this may be true, but changing this mindset is key. Most couples seek therapy "when they've been suffering for a really long time," Blum said. "What elements were good in the relationship are destroyed."

Instead, Blum suggested that people view couples therapy as preventative. This way, a couple comes in when they've been stuck on one or two conflicts for a few months, "not five or six over the last 10 years."

Questions to ask your partner before you get married

Don’t make that mistake. Don’t get married without knowing your future spouse’s thoughts on these issues that can kill a marriage.
Compromise is usually not an option if the two of you disagree on these issues that can be deal breakers.
1. Do you want to have children?
It is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and your future spouse can not agree on whether to have children or not.
Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in your marriage is a mistake.
Making a decision to have a baby when one parent doesn’t want to have children is not fair to the child or to your marriage.
2. Can we talk about money?
The mechanics of how the two of you will handle your finances really isn’t the issue. Many couples in successful  marriages have separate checking accounts and many couples in successful marriages have one account.
The issue is whether or not the two of you can calmly and practically talk about money.
If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent is an issue before you get married, it will be an even bigger issue after your wedding.
If your future spouse doesn’t want to talk about money, or doesn’t think talking about money is important, postpone your wedding until this issue is solved.
3. Can we talk about sex?
There is no way of predicting the future when it comes to an individual’s sexual libido.
However, if the two of you are already having sexual issues, you shouldn’t get married until the issues are settled.
Differences in sexual frequency, desire, preferences, fantasies, masturbation, pornography, expectations, etc. will tear the two of you apart. If you and your partner are unable to talk about the issues, or if your future spouse doesn’t see any real problem, or doesn’t want to talk about sex with you, cancel the wedding.
4. How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
They may be wonderful people who love you both, but your in-laws should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage relationship.
If either one of you will not set boundaries with your own parents when it comes to visits, phone calls, finances, children, etc., the problem with your in-laws will only worsen.
5. Will you clean the toilet?
If the answer is “no” or “why should I?” or “Isn’t that your job?”, you have several options.

• You can hire someone to do the chores that neither of you wants to do.
• You can accept that you will be doing 90% of the chores around the house.
• You can discuss the importance of sharing the household chores together.

If none of these options work out, call off the wedding. This is another one of those issues that won’t suddenly get better after you sign the marriage license.
6. How do you want to spend our days off?
The answer to this question will reveal several things.

• How your future spouse likes to spend free time.
• The value your future spouse places on having fun together.
• Whether or not you will come first before work.

Balancing work and fun and family time and personal time is not easy.
Without talking about the time aspect of your life together, you may find yourself grumbling because your spouse is spending what you consider to be too much time with old friends and extended family, or on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc.
Living a balanced life together will create the time you both need, individually and together, for vacations, quiet time, and fun time.
7. How often do you drink?
The answer to this question, or to questions about smoking cigarettes or using drugs, will reveal whether or not your future spouse has a potential addiction problem which could end up not only threatening your marriage but could also put you in legal and financial jeopardy.
8. Have you ever hit someone?
If your future spouse has anger management issues, or tries to control who you see and what you do, or is causing you to walk on egg shells, cancel your wedding.
These are signs of a potentially abusive personality. Don’t think you can “save” him or her. You can’t. This is a problem that needs professional counseling.
9. Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?
Open marriage and swinging is okay for some married couples, but most want and prefer a monogamous relationship. If your future spouse and you have differing opinions on what cheating is or isn’t, don’t get married until this issue has been discussed.
10. What do you think we’ll be doing in thirty or forty years?
If your future spouse can’t answer this or won’t answer this, then the two of you need to talk about long-lasting marriage expectations.
Why marry someone who doesn’t think your marriage will last?

Tips to know if your partner is cheating

Despite popular belief, most lying and cheating does not get discovered because a suspicious spouse is good at interrogating a partner (e.g., where were you? who were you with? etc.).

Typically, cheating spouses get caught in one of two ways:

Accidental Discovery:

In most cases, deception and infidelity are uncovered by mistake (see, Park, Levine, McCornack, Morrison and Ferrara). A husband or wife decides to come home from work early, a third party inadvertently reveals the truth, an unpaid parking ticket reveals a spouse's true whereabouts, an e-mail exchange is accidentally sent to the wrong person, and so on.

Monitoring a Spouse:

Surveillance, by comparison, is an attempt to discover the truth by monitoring a spouse’s behavior. If you're dealing with a lying and/or cheating spouse, some type of surveillance is almost always needed.

While monitoring a spouse tends to be the most effective way to find what is going on in a relationships, spying on a spouse can also cause problems. Is it ethical to monitor a husband or wife without his or her knowledge?

On the other hand, if your dealing with a lying and/or cheating partner, how do you address the problem until the truth is out in the open? Fixing problems requires a full accounting and acknowledgment of the issues involved.

Practical Tips for Catching Lying and Cheating:
Keep a journal of your spouse’s reported activities. Write down the times, dates, places, other people involved, excuses given, etc. Your journal will become invaluable as you compare what’s said with phone bills, credit card statements, ATM withdrawals, talk to other people, etc. A cheating spouse is likely to change his or her story, or question your memory, so keeping a record of everything is critical.
Keep track of all incoming phone calls. Record the time and number of all calls.
Plan a surprise visit to work, or come home at unexpected times, or make announcements about having to work late, but then come home early, etc.
Keep track of your spouse’s mileage, receipts, credit card statements, ATM withdrawals, phone records, etc.
If you can, check your spouse’s call log. Look for an unusual amount of phone calls. Keep in mind that cheating spouses often store their lover’s phone number under someone else’s name: a friend, a co-worker, etc.
You can also purchase surveillance equipment (hidden cameras and voice activated recorders) or download computer monitoring software (keylogger) which will make it easier for you to monitor your spouse's activities. Using such equipment can, however, can raise some legal issues (see, surveillance issues).
Never confront your spouse until you're certain that you have enough evidence to make your case. And never reveal all of your evidence at once. Most cheating spouses will try to concoct a story to fit the evidence presented (for example, see husband won't confess). But, if you withhold some evidence, and let your spouse create a story, it gives you the opportunity to use the remaining evidence as leverage. And by strategically withholding evidence, your spouse will start to question exactly how much you know, increasing the odds that he or she will tell you the truth.

Overall, if you find anything suspicious, do not confront your spouse until you're certain that you have enough evidence to get a confession.

And again, think for a minute about how your spouse might try to dismiss your accusations (e.g., we were just joking around, I was just flirting, it was a misunderstanding, we are just friends, nothing happened, etc.). If you can anticipate how your spouse is likely to respond, you can try to gather the evidence you need to counter what he or she says.

Finally, listed below are several more techniques, products, and services designed to help you catch a lying and cheating spouse.

Resources and Information for Catching a Lying, Cheating Husband or Wife:
Computer Monitoring Software - allows you to see everything your spouse does online. Establish a record of all online activities.
GPS Tracking Devices for Infidelity - purchase a global positioning satellite device which can track a vehicle's exact location 24 hours a day.
Forensic Infidelity Tests - test samples of your spouse's clothing for biological evidence of cheating.
Home Surveillance Equipment - hidden cameras and voice activated recording devices can be purchased in every shape and size imaginable.
Comprehensive Background Checks - do you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is lying to you about the past? A background check can veal a lot about a person's past.
Private Investigators - hiring a licensed investigator is the quickest and most effective way to discover the truth.

In most cases, the options listed above are very effective when trying to discover the truth about a cheating spouse. If, however, none of those options work for you, several more options are provided below. Hopefully, you can find a technique that will work in your specific situation.

When it's time to break up: reasons to end the relationship

Some people have come to realize (after various attempts) that having a relationship is hard work and requires patience. Every relationship has its ups and downs. There is a thin line between staying in a relationship to work things out and being stupid. Here are some reasons I believe you should put an end to a relationship that's not working out well. I decided not to be bias towards any sex(male or female) during the writing of this post.

1. No Privacy
Your partner monitors messages and e-mails, whenever you receive phone calls (s)he is always trying to know who you were talking to. You literally have to lock yourself up in the toilet to pick up calls. End that relationship!!! Before you know it (s)he will ask you to put your phone on speaker and starts deleting messages and e-mails (s)he feels are not important. Find someone who is loving and caring not a control freak.

2. Interference With Other Relationships
When your partner hangs out with their friends it is ok, but when you decide to hang out your friends it becomes a big deal. (S)he throws tantrums like a child and blackmails you emotionally. When you wave aside the blackmails and hang out with your friends, when you come back, there is some sort of “punishment” for leaving him/her alone. End that relationship!!! It starts that way and before you know it (s)he wants you to place them before your family. Find someone who enjoys being with most of the people you care about. If not, your relationship will be full of frustration.

3. Your Personal Life Is No Longer Personal
You are out with your friends and your partner suddenly blurts out ” (s)he cries when (s)he has an orgasm” and when you try to call him/her on it he/she simply tells you it was just to make the conversation amusing and you are too sensitive.
Whether you’re humiliated or not, as long as he/she thinks your personal life would make conversations amusing, end that relationship!! Find someone who wants you to be happy and confident about yourself and your life.

4. Cannot Let Go Of The Past
We have all experienced disappointment in life, but we try as much as possible to get over it and move on with our lives. Even in relationships we have to let go of those who have hurt us.
If your partner keeps on talking about his/her ex, takes you to places the ex took him/her to, hoping to run into the ex, or (s)he sometimes calls you the ex’s name, end that relationship!!!! You do not want to be with someone who is thinking of someone else half the time (s)he is with you. Find someone who is ready to have a relationship with you rather than someone trying to use to get to his/her ex.

5. Abuse
No one deserves to be abused. Whether it is physical,mental or emotional, (s)he has no reason to subject you to that. When in love it is very easy to justify and explain your partner’s behaviour but you deserve better treatment from him/her if (s)he wants to be with you. End that relationship. Find someone who knows your worth and respects you.
You are probably nodding your head as you are going through one or more of the above. If so, maybe it is time for you to make a change. I would never try to break a relationship, but if this post has made you take a long look at your relationship, then were you really happy to begin with??