1. For all you shy lovers out there, next time you're ogling your potential date from the nearest bushes or the tree in their garden, be it in hail or sun, and simultaneously drooling over their latest pictures you secretively took with your hi-tech super-zoom camera, remember the word "stalking". In case you didn't know, stalking still exists in other places besides Facebook and is in fact a criminal offense punishable in most of the countries by imprisonment for up to 5 years!
2. You'd still rather leave a big teddy-bear "from a secret admirer" or sneak into their dorm room to sniff on the hottie's perfume or roll over in his/her bed while they're out? Unfortunately, cops won't appreciate the beauty of the rose petals forming a heart on your crush's bed when they charge you with breaking and entering: which is an even more serious crime, regardless of place and time.
3. Dating back from the knight's era, there's been a general notion that a real man has to defend his fair lady against all the odds and jerks. Isn't this the main reason why guys work out so hard at the gym? One punch - and you're a hero, with all the ladies lying at your feet together with the defeated rivals. Reality check: next time you aim that hero punch, remember that beating someone up (even if it doesn't result in death, which can be very likely) is still a crime. No matter how distressed your damsel was, how malicious was the villain and how chivalrous you were trying to act, your new prison friends won't sob at your romantic gestures, but rather work out and practice their kicking skills on you (there are no gyms in most of the prisons). 4. If you're a girl, you're probably not flexing your muscles in front of your rival, but looking for some more cunning (but not less criminal) ways to get that stupid bimbo your boyfriend's staring at out of the picture. Hollywood movies teach us that there's not better way to win over a competition but spiking their drink with something nasty. Even if you're not trying to poison the second hottest chick in the club with something procured from a drugstore (or from a dealer John lurking at the door), it's still a crime, that can land you in prison for up to 10 years. We bet, 10 years without makeup and with the same clothes every day aren't worth any guy, who's not cool enough to settle down with one girl.
5. Supposedly, you got a date for tonight after all, without breaking any laws or at least without attracting the attention of patrolling police cars on the lookout for criminals. We've got a surprise for you: spicing it up in the sex compartment can get you a uniform jumpsuit from your state anyway. Even if you're not in a Muslim state, passionately getting it on the beach (sex in public places is punishable by death in such states as the United Arab Emirates, Egypt, Thailand), you can still get in trouble! Under the law, tying your partner up to the bed and having it "a bit rough" or surprising your partner with your new sexual moves while they're asleep, was still considered a rape last time we checked. "No way!", you'll pout. Well, tell this to a Norwegian woman, who got 9 months in prison for performing oral sex on an unwilling, sleeping man.
Hope, we didn't scare you into a loveless, lonely evening. Go out, stay safe and have fun!
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