A Poznan of Adventures!

Adam Mickiewicz University

When Aristotle said "a great city is not to be confounded with a populous one", he perhaps was thinking not very far from a city like Poznan. With a population of a little under six hundred thousand, this city enjoys what other cities of jumbo-sized populations relish. What with almost 135,000 student population, 200 majors in 28 universities, a hundred thousand career proposition companies and  one of the fastest growing economies in the country with an unemployment rate of just 4%. And in case you're wondering if a city can have it all, well maybe Poznan is fast turning out to be the unsung darling of Europe and the world at large. It enjoys a mild winter and could also fit in as a paramount summer get-away. Most foreigners who come here describe this city as fait accompli.

During the weeks that followed my night-out, staying indoor had become inevitable. It'd be like sleeping in the middle of a storm. There was too much to see and do and even though studying was primary, other exertions had to be added to it. Everyone knows the story of the proverbial Jack who said something about all work and no play. The following day took me to the old garrison occupied by soldiers during World War II. Walking around the barracks, I pictured in my brain's eye how the soldiers lived during that time. There's an arsenal of armored tanks, fighter planes, weapons and motor-bikes. To the eastern part of the preservation is the fortress in which the soldiers dwelt for the duration of the war. It's something like a substructure built with concrete and steel and it's really huge. On the way out is the cemetery. There's a part where there were graves of only Polish soldiers, another one for Germans and the last one for English soldiers. One that particularly stuck out as typical with that unfortunate time in history was the tomb of an unknown soldier.

WW2 memory

I told my friend that was enough grief for the day and we set out on some adrenaline driving mission. He took me to the old train bridge that lies above the Warta river. Now, only very old trains carrying cargo use this bridge at random as new and modern rail tracks have since replaced it. This is no place for anyone with a fear of heights. I had to stand on a very old bridge that was above fifty meters of a flowing river that was at least two meters deep. Looking down made my head spin and it didn't stop at that. The bridge vibrates whenever a train crawls by giving the feeling that the planks are going to give way to a free-fall into the River Warta sweeping calmly below. At the sight of the first train, the only question I asked my chum was the temperature of the water below us. If at least I was going to fall, I had to prepare for it and in some measure  could still swim to save my life. Then came the train. I'd been hoping it was a short one with a minimum of about five cars but as it groveled along the old tracks, I knew my hope was lost in futility. The bridge pulsed and I grabbed the railings for dear life while I struggled to take pictures. Other on-lookers cheered as they enjoyed the moment but lily-livered me could only fake a smile as my head spun and the only wish I had was to find a balance underneath my legs. Summoning courage, I let go of the railings and looked fixedly at the steel cars clattering in front of me. By the time the last car glided past, my fear had given away to a rush of adrenaline and yells were ringing out from the long line of people standing on the bridge. It felt like something from a Hollywood action movie and even for a moment, I pretended to be some special agent who was on a mission to salvage a chemical weapon hidden on a train. Something my memory related to from the Skyfall movie. On our way to the theater house, I couldn't resist seeing the exotic meat shop. Stuck somewhere close to an open market, this meat shop would quench any meat lover's hunger. There was game of various kinds, so also were mutton, goat, horse and rabbit meat.

River Warta

George Orwell said freedom is the right to say that two plus two equals four. In Poznan, freedom means being a resident. Nothing else had ever felt like freedom.

Train crossing the Old Bridge

Escape the friend zone, move to the lovers zone!

How do you motivate a friend to be "more than friends"? How do you move forward from "just friends" to girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or lover? How do you escape the friend zone?
I often get questions like these from readers asking how to get out of "the friend zone". I have also been watching the new MTV show Friend Zone lately. So, I've decided to share my own advice for how to transition from being just a friend to a girlfriend, or just a friend to a boyfriend. Read on and learn how to go from a friend to a lover with a few simple techniques...
What is "The Friend Zone"?

For those who don't know the term, "the friend zone" refers to a situation where one individual in a friendship develops more intense feelings and wants to become "more than friends" with the other person. More often than not, the other person is unaware of the friend's desires and quite happy in the friendship-only arrangement. As a result, the person is "stuck" in the "friend zone", unable to transition from just friend to girlfriend or boyfriend.

Being stuck in a friendship and wanting more can be a frustrating position. Sometimes this frustration is sexually-motivated, with one friend desiring a physical relationship with the other. On other occasions, the friends are already sexually involved (i.e. friends-with-benefits), but there is a motivation to transition into a "relationship" as a committed girlfriend or boyfriend. In other instances, both motivations play a role. Nevertheless, in any case, wanting more than you are currently getting is a heart-wrenching situation. The "friend zone" is not an easy place to live!
Why Does "The Friend Zone" Happen?

Before I help you get out of the friend zone, we first need to discuss why people get stuck there in the first place. Essentially, all relationships are social exchanges (for more, see here). This means that people set up give-and-take agreements, usually without discussion, to get what they want from the other person and give what they are willing to give.

When someone gets stuck in the friend zone, they have entered into an exchange friendship that isn't even. The other person is getting everything he/she wants...but the person stuck in the friend zone isn't. In a nutshell, the friend zone person sold himself or herself short. They gave their "friend" everything, without making sure they got everything they wanted in return.
How to Escape the Friend Zone

To escape the friend zone, you must first realize that all relationships involve negotiation - and you are attempting to "re-negotiate" the current exchange. Essentially, you want "more" from the other person. Most likely, you are already giving too much and what you really want is for them to balance the scales.

Fortunately, there are a few influence principles that do indeed balance the scales. Using those principles, we can devise a few steps to get you out of the friend zone:

1) Be Less Interested - The relationship is already imbalanced because you value it more than the other person. Take a step back. Being "needy" is no way to negotiate. Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want. So, be less interested and ready to walk away if you don't get the relationship you want. Those who are more willing to walk away have the power to guide the relationship (called the "Least Interested Principle" - Waller & Hill, 1951).

2) Make Yourself Scarce - Spend some time away from your "friend" and do less for them. If they truly appreciate you, then your absence will make them miss you and want you more. This is the principle of "Scarcity" - where people value something more when it is rare or taken away from them (Cialdini, 2009). When you are no longer around as much or tending to their needs, they will most likely feel the loss. This will increase their desire for you and their willingness to meet your needs back. If it doesn't, then they are just "not that into you"...and don't value you. In that case, find another "friend".

3) Create Some Competition - Go out and make some other "friends" of the sex you are attracted to. Broaden your social network. Then, talk about these new friends with the friend you desire. Competition and a little jealousy are another great way to develop "Scarcity" (Cialdini, 2009). People value more what they think they might lose. If you are "busy" with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention. If you don't see any "jealousy" though, then they might not want to be "more than friends". In that case, set your sights on someone new!

4) Get Them To Invest - Ask your friend to do things for you. Contrary to popular belief, people like you more when THEY do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them (for more, see here). This is called the Ben Franklin Effect (Jecker & Landry, 1969). The more they invest in the relationship, the more you will mean to them. So, stop doing favors...and start asking for them. Get them to give you a ride, study with you, fix something, etc. Heck, even asking them to get you a soda from the fridge has an impact!

5) Be Rewarding - Don't forget to be grateful and reward your friend when they behave as you desire. After they are good to you, remember to be good to them back. Being attentive and affectionate, only when they do what you like, encourages them to continue those behaviors. Also, ignoring them when they behave badly helps to reduce unwanted behaviors. Always remember to keep anenvironment of mutual gratitude flowing too.

Taking It From There

Applying the steps above will balance the value and exchange in the relationship. It will highlight how truly valuable, desirable, and important you are to your "friend". Essentially, it will raise your status and worth in their eyes. You might even be able to pick up the change in their body language when you are around.

Poznan: The Polish Pearl!

Stary Browar

Jacek (my bud from Chicago) had told me about the fascinating malls in Poznan and I was just eager to feed my eyes as much as I could. To enjoy the most of this city, you'd have to walk around. Don't worry about crowded roads and mad traffic jams as they virtually are non-existent. Poznan has one of the best planned transportation systems and the roads are just a delight to the eyes. The air is unpolluted and the laws are well respected. The Old Brewery popularly known as "Stary Browar" epitomizes what a shopping mall should look like. Awarded the best shopping center in the world by the International Council of Shopping Centers in the ICSC 2008 global awards,, this shopping center is a shopper's delight. It's quite safe to say "Stary Browar"  isn't a far cry from the Siam Paragons, Ala Moanas, GPOs and the West Edmonton Malls of this world. Whoever you are – Food lover, brand lover, it's a one-stop shopping for anything imaginable. You only have to visit to see what I mean.Truth be told, I was marveled at what I saw- many famous brands, continental food restaurants and another architectural master-piece. I strolled around window-shopping, taking glimpses of the brands and smiling back at the radiant Polish broads who exuded all forms of graciousness. It was quite atypical  for what seemed to be the rules of shop attendants who always thought they were doing you a favor by selling their wares. I was just a few weeks old in Poznan but was already feeling at home. The people were benevolent, the city was serene, the neighborhoods were spic-and-span, and there was a lot more to see and do.

Outside of the Stary Browar

The social life here is sublime. Apart from what Jacek and Malgorzata told me, I already knew there was more to it. My place of abode was right downtown (I have something with down-towns..haha) in some street I'd nick-named "the happy drive". That meant I was a stone throw away to most of the night clubs. After being aroused from sleep in the early mornings on one or two occasions by club-goers who were making their way home, I decided it was time to taste the night life. It so happened that the party-goers heading home the next morning  had a knack for waking me up from sleep, but then, they also had some singing talents in them. Taking advantage of the tranquility of the early morning, they mostly gave a rendition of their songs on top of their voices as they walked down the street. On one occasion, shrill voices rendering Maroon's Payphone brought me out of my sub-consciousness. I got up from bed to look down through the glass doors of my fifth-floor apartment to see two guys strolling leisurely down the quiet street giving their "best" rendition of the song. From the way they looked, they were slightly tipsy club-goers who had stayed till early in the morning. As they walked down the street, missing one step or two and not giving a care about anything else in the world, I knew time had come to taste the night life. Happy-hour surely lasts till the early morning in the Poznan night clubs.

Early morning in Poznan Center

It was time to put a call through to Jacek later in the day. I'd promised to let him know of my experience after my first two weeks of arrival. I must have brought him out of bed as he sounded groggy at the other end. "Hey you! What have you been up to?" I asked him. He came alive when he realized it was me. "Heyyyyy! Tell me everything! Have you been to the night clubs? Have you seen Stary Rynek, the castle, the theater and the cathedral?" He responded. I gave him the heads up on what I'd done since my arrival and how I was planning to sample the night life. In response to that, he had several names of night clubs for me. By the time we finished talking, I'd a long list of clubs and I was willing to try them all out. On a fine Saturday evening, dressed in one of my favorite shirts, I stepped into the cool fall air and got lost in the stream of other party-goers. I was going to try out two of the clubs I had on my list. First thing I noticed was that even at 11 p.m, the city was very much alive with people of all ages, shapes and sizes chatting, laughing and ambling down the side-walks. A few meters brought me to a pub. I opened the door and walked into a space full of active, tipsy and happy people, at least I'd just discovered one of the spots where the singing sensations who walked  down "the happy drive" came from. Everyone babbled freely with rounds of laughter intermittently ringing out from the corners of the room. I ordered a whiskey double and chose a quiet seat at the corner. The night was going to be promising!

 Półwiejska street

Whatever floats your boat as far as night-life is concerned, you'll find it here. Latino music dance clubs, hip-hop, R&B, jazz, techno, house, name it all. One thing noticeable though was the idiosyncratic way matters were handled here. Anything done in Poznan was done with utmost seriousness. The city was apparently run by adequate people, studying was weighty and now I realized partying or clubbing was executed in the same imperative style. Did I tell you about Półwiejska street? That's the street lined with exquisite shops and a generous number of clubs, including a go-go night club for lovers of strip-tease dancing. And no, I haven't been there! Apprehensive of what could happen if I encountered drunks amid my quest of trying out the night-life, I'd almost given up stepping out of my apartment, but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen as the only things the boozers were concerned about were their maidens and drinks. Being a lover of football, I'd followed the news about the fear of racial attacks during the Euro 2012 games but as it turned out, it was mere media propaganda. Even though I'd heard unconfirmed stories of racial attacks in some parts of eastern Europe, I wasn't deterred, but for the first time since my arrival, I began to feel the jitters. "It's probably a different scenario at night" I thought to myself. I learned that was totally unnecessary. Police vans were parked in proximity to the night-clubs and even at that, there was no violence. My first conversation of the night happened when two very drunk lads walked up to me. I was half way in the bag myself after the whiskey and our discourse was to say the least, befuddled. We laughed hysterically even when nothing was funny and a couple of minutes later, we ventured into one of the clubs. The night-life here is huge once again. The clubs are always giving it out and the DJs are no disappointments either. I focused on three dancers directly under the disco lights. They were circling around each other and it looked like they were going into a slow motion of an African dance.

By the time I was ready to go home, I knew I'd chosen the right city. For a moment, I toyed with the idea of doing my own "happy drive" performance but dropped the idea because I didn't have enough hooch in my system and me singing would probably result to a nightmare for the sleeping residents of "the happy drive". Poznan offered it all - good education, cheap and affordable commodities, peaceful atmosphere and a wide range of night clubs. Tomorrow, I was going to see the land marks and what else makes this city tick.

Inside the Stary Browar

Poznan: A city of life

The tallest building in Poznan: Altum

So don't get it twisted, Poznan is a place of never-ending fun. The skyline is dotted with roofs of historical, medieval buildings and modern twenty-first century architecture. If you're a lover of historical buildings, there's nowhere but here for you! I could go on to write about the architecture, history and stuff but would have to leave the story for another day (it's always on Wiki, anyways). This write-up basically has to do with the student life in Poznan. Now, there are about seven highly recognized universities in the city of Poznan: Adam Mickiewicz University, Poznan University of Economics, Poznan University of Medical Sciences, Poznan University of Technology, Poznan University of Life Sciences, The Agricultural University of Poznan and The Polytechnic University of Poznan. Each of these institutions of higher learning has a sizable share of international students. When I surmised at the airport that Poznan was indeed a cosmopolitan city, I'd yet to see the student life. Poznan has to be one of the cities in the world with such a colorful mix of global representatives who contribute truly to the vibrancy of the city. As a student from Canada aptly put it, if you haven't experienced the night-life in Poznan, you haven't done much.

A little jet-lagged, I knew I had to drop in at the students' orientation meeting scheduled for the next day and submit my papers to the local immigration to process a temporary residence permit. Since it was early fall and the weather hadn't gone too cold for comfort, I decided against riding a taxi and opted for a leisurely stroll to my university's main building where the students' orientation was to take place. Even though I had a map to take me to my destination, I desired to have another taste of Polish hospitality as the last one I had was from Malgorzata and my body and soul were starting to yearn for more. Relishing the serenity which I'd always craved from the hustle and bustle of downtown Chicago, I asked a middle-aged man for directions to the University. Greenhorns are not strange to the dwellers of Poznan. This city hosts about thousands of them every year. I got enough help from the man who even volunteered to walk me down to the university, an offer which I politely turned down. The orientation meeting like I expected was like another gathering of the United Nations. Each continent was represented.

My documentation with the local immigration was hugely successful. Although the local officials differed slightly from the ones I met at the airport, I eventually got registered as a resident. From the gist going around at the orientation meeting, I wasn't looking forward to facing the local officials. Rumor had it that the office was full of stern ladies who'd rain on your parade. I needn't have worried too much though. After successfully documenting my application, I realized it could only get hard for you if you ran short of one or more papers you're supposed to present.

University of Economics, Poznan

Studying in Poznan is an experience of a lifetime. University of Economics is a trail blazer in Europe, especially if you're looking into a degree in economics, business administration or other management courses. The classes are fun although the time-table seemed hectic for me in the beginning of the semester. The thing that got us laughing at first was each other's funny accents. Since the English language was the language of instruction and with students from all over the world, my classes felt more like a music rehearsal room. Accents from Asia, Africa, eastern Europe and North America all teamed up to sound like an auto-tune from a R&B song. That's not to take away anything from the professors. They are in-depth, articulate and make you learn the ropes easily enough without being flustered. Each university includes physical education classes in their curricula to prevent students becoming lethargic; not that you stood a chance of being lethargic in Poznan, anyways. It's a city full of life! For book lovers, you could grab a book to read in one of the numerous book lockers at the tram stops. For me, I was having enough book at the university, it was time to have some real fun...

Monument to the founder of Poznan University of Economics,
famous Polish economist, Edward Taylor

To be continued...

To Poznan With Love

One of the historical buildings at the Old Market

As my airplane crossed the skies, I shifted in my seat and looked through the window below to the farmlands and roofs. Malgorzata, the Polish lady beside me who had given me a crash course during the flight about the Polish culture and language was catching up on a nap. She had given me my first taste of Polish hospitality when our paths crossed while boarding. "Which city are you headed to in Poland"? She'd asked me, to which I replied "Poznan". She had proceeded to give me the specifics of the picture of the city. I knew little about Poznan except that it was one of the host cities of the Euro 2012 games which were co-hosted by Poland and Ukraine. My Polish friends in Bolingbrook, Chicago had been excited when I told them I was slated for Europe and Poland was my choice. Jacek, whom I had met in very funny circumstances (a story for another day), was especially delighted. He wouldn't stop telling me about the Polish lassies and how much swell time laid in store for me. "You'll find the most beautiful European girls  in Poland" he'd said with a grin. I tried to brainwash him that I was going to Poland not as a seeker of a bride but as an aspirant of an European degree. I didn't give much thought to it when he differed from me owing to the few raunchy acts we'd put up together in the suburbs of Chicago.

The voice of the pilot came over the speakers, announcing our arrival at Lawica Henryk Wieniawski Airport, Poznan. Malgorzata stirred as I re-adjusted my deportment to buckle my seat belt. I flashed her a winning smile to cover up my uneasiness, something that always came over me after a long flight and in anticipation of going through customs and immigration. I was carrying a Nigerian passport which was almost synonymous to crime? and caused terrible delays and bashfulness at most borders. As the airplane descended for landing, I reviewed the most important words I'd learned in my crash course with Malgorzata. Thanks, Hello, I don't Understand and Excuse Me came on top the list. I knew from my miniature travel experience that these words always come in handy whenever you had to speak a language other than English which means foreign to me. At the point of entry, I exchanged phone numbers with Malgorzata as she strolled to the line marked "citizens or passport holders" (I felt a little jealous), and I to the line where other foreigners like me stood. If I had been thinking of Poznan as a Polish city stuck up in the nineties with old grannies and typical country damsels roving the streets, I quickly learnt how wrong I was. The airport was an indicator of how international the city of Poznan was. Everyone had a different kind of passport and spoke different languages. There was a long line of newcomers, who came from different walks of life waiting to be checked by immigration . Behind me was a woman from Brazil, who had a crying baby. I sympathized with her and had to give up my space to allow her scale through immigration fast and attend to the crying baby. I checked my documents again, switched off the iPod, and looked round, soaking up the scene. It was a cool day in fall and the airport felt like a mini United Nations summit. 

Poznan City Hall

The immigration officials must have been working so efficiently as the line moved placidly and in no time, I was standing behind the desk of the Polish immigration. I'd made my skin thick like I always did each time I had to face immigration outside the borders of West Africa. I was aware my green passport brought suspicion and frowns to the faces of these officials. "Dzien Dobry" the woman official began with a professional smile. "Nie rozumiem po Polsku" I replied with a smile. Immediately, and to my greatest relief and admiration, she switched to eloquent English. "Passport, please". I handed her my passport and watched the look on her face. Having disembarked from a plane from O'hare, Chicago, She'd probably thought I was African-American and thus expected a Yankee passport. I was preparing to enjoy the surprise that laid in for her when I handed her my green Nigerian passport but there I learnt my second lesson about Poles. "You are who you are and not where you come from". She browsed through the pages of my passport with professional brilliance, asked me some routine questions, stamped me in and wished me a good time in Poland. What! Just like that! I checked my legs to see if I was wearing my "lucky socks" or something. I walked away from the desk, head held high to claim my luggage with a wide grin. I had already fallen in love with Poznan. "Here I come, Poznan!", I mumbled under my breath.

Next part due soon....Watch out!

Hot and Cold: When Your Guy Can't Make up His Mind about You

If you’re in a relationship with a man who runs hot and cold you’ll be at his mercy unless you get a grip on yourself. Nothing will make you more crazy and desperate than a man who is playing hide n’ seek with your emotions.

The situation is classic. He starts to pull away, you become like a dog with a bone, unwilling to relinquish what you want. You search frantically for the man who was “hot” on you. He must still feel that way — he just doesn’t know it. So your problem becomes how to get him to pursue you like he did before. The trap is believing that there is something you have to make right and that you did something wrong that made him turn cold.

How to get a man to stop this behavior is not the question you should be asking. Rather, you need to understand why he is this way, and then maybe you’ll see that it’s not your mission to change him.

There are men who habitually run hot and cold, oblivious to the “passive aggressive” way they deal with women. It’s so much a part of them they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong or hurtful. As a result, they don’t feel the need to change.

But most hot and cold men are aware of what they’re doing. You can bet that they’ve acted this way before, that women have complained to them an abundance of times. You’re not the first and certainly won’t be the last.

Most of these men haven’t grown up, they’re just immature. They act like they’re still in grade school. They thrive on the challenge of wooing you until you fall for them, but as soon as they think they’ve got you, they get bored and move on. It doesn’t matter how fabulous, beautiful or smart you are, they still get bored because it’s not about you. It’s about the thrill of the chase and you are the prize for a moment or two.

Some hot and cold men may just not be ready for a fully committed relationship. He may like you a lot but be unable to decide if you’re “The One.” Rather than making a decision, it’s easier for him to string you along until he can know for certain. His ambivalence will bring out his hot and cold behavior since he is so indecisive.

The worst offenders are the men who use you for ego gratification. They actually get a thrill watching you suffer over their inconsistent and rude behavior. It makes them feel powerful to know they can treat you badly and then pick up the phone and still have you available whenever they want.

These men are full of pride. They relish the game of cat and mouse they’re playing with you. It gives them a sense of entitlement that they’ve mastered the art of being inconsistent and uncommitted. They love to watch a woman emotionally fall apart over their inconsiderate actions.

Changing these men is not in your job description. Your attempts will just make you lose your confidence and destroy your faith that there are any good men out there. The best thing you can do if you are with a hot and cold man is to cut him out of your life completely.

But beware: a man like this will be triggered by your rejection and turn hot on you again. He may not fully want you, but he also doesn’t want you to set the rules. In the end, you have to know that he’s not for you. He is emotionally unable to make the deep, intimate and life-long commitment you’re looking for.

Ladies, have you dealt with this type of guy? Leave your comments below!

What if North Korea Isn't Bluffing?

If news springing out from various media organisations for the past few days or so is anything to go by, then we might be having a serious conflict/confrontation/altercation/war in our hands in the next few months. Reason is the "king of the diminutives"- Kim jong-un, who I love to call crazy little Kim j has threatened to attack the US mainland, South Korea, Guam and every other American interests his rockets can reach. Pundits have been talking endlessly about the what ifs and stuffs and some even think Kim is just bluffing. After-all some guy on TV recently said Kim is just trying to unite his compatriots more than ever before in the face of the growing influence of their "adversaries".

But what if Kim isn't bluffing? What if Kim makes good his threats to attack Austin, USA and South Korea? What are the aftermaths? I'm no conspiracy theorist, neither am I an alarmist but this trend is definitely worrying. Even though I haven't witnessed any war in my lifetime, I am aware of the consequences of a revolution needless say a full blown war. The ethnic cleansing and genocide of the Tutsi and Hutsi in Rwanda is still a grim reminder of what guns and violence can do. Iraq, The DR of Congo and Afghanistan are examples of countries which will always have to live with the nightmares and horrors of conflicts. Even Japan learnt a lesson after the leveling of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in the 2nd world war.

Another reason why a North Korea/US altercation should have us all worried is that an altercation between these two countries will not be limited to them. China the only ally of Kim will only be willing to play the part of a mediator. There's also Russia! The USA has new toys it's willing to test and it looks like Kim has signed the contract of North Korea being the guinea pig of these new toys. This bring me to another question. Are we really nearing the apocalypse? Will a war between the US and North Korea blow up into another world war. Why is Kim threatening to attack the US? What will China and Russia do in the event of a full scale confrontation between the US and Kim? I'm no political scientist or war expert but from the look of it, Kim had better be bluffing.

Signs she wants you to ask her out!

Sometimes it’s hard to know if a girl is sending you signals to ask her out, or if she is just friendly, or is actually obsessed with your friend, or what. But watch closely for these cues, because if she’s throwing them at you, it means she’s probably hoping you ask her out.

So just work up the courage to do it and do it. Godspeed!

1. She starts liking something random you like after you mentioned you liked it. Oh, what’s that? She likes Neko Case all of the sudden? Wowza, what a huge coincidence. She knows all about the Manchester United game even though two days ago she knew sh*t about soccer? Holy smokes. She knows all about the new Kid Cudi album that just dropped after you were just saying how excited you were about it? Yeah, these aren’t coincidences, so don’t overlook them. Don’t make her feel dumb by saying, “Oh please you said you hate soccer!”

Follow her lead. Let her brag about her new knowledge. Teach her something new. Plan a date around it. Because you’re definitely going to want to ask her out.

2. She touches your arm a lot. Sorry, it’s all we’ve got, guys. We want to touch you but many places seem off limits. Touching your face would make us feel like we are in a Hallmark commercial, touching your chest would make us feel like we were in a Lifetime movie, and touching your junk would make us feel like we were in a bado. Basically, that leaves the arm. So we touch it a lot if we are interested. If you can think of something better let us know.

3. She laughs at everything you say. Yeah, even when you aren’t really saying anything that funny. Sorry. It’s something we can’t help and we probably aren’t proud of. It’s not that we are faking it, we are just really giddy to be around you if we have a crush on you. So everything seems a little lighter, a little more fun, and a little more likely to make us bust our gut or snort or… I’m just not going to say it.

4. She keeps asking you to do the most odd, unrelationships things. If she keeps asking you to do non-date things, like going to weird comedy shows that are sort of far away or going to her brother’s baseball game or feeding the neighbor’s cat, she is doing the dance of doing absolutely everything except for asking you out on a real date. So why don’t you do everyone a favor and ask her out? You both will have a better time doing something other than working her hectic charity event or helping her move.

5. She sends you mail. Real mail. She had to get paper and a writing device — which are increasingly becoming hard to come by. She had to write with her handwriting, which she hardly does anymore. She put way more thought into her words since she wasn’t just shooting them out on her keyboard. And she licked and sealed the envelope. That is love. Or at least mega-like. Ask her out, for goodness sake.

6. She always wants to be in pictures with you. Are there a disproportionate amount of pictures of you with her than with other people? Especially guys? She wants be be part of your life. She wants to show you off. She wants you to remember her. She is inserting herself into your life in the only way she can without asking you out.

She has agreed to do anything you have suggested so far. If you’re asking her to do anything with a group of friends or anything non-datey, and you hardly have to finish the question “Do you want to go rock climb…” or “Do you want to grab a bee…” before she says yes, she’d rather be doing these things as your girlfriend.

Especially if she says it like it’s not even a question. Of course she will! With gusto, she’ll be there with bells on! She’s psyched about anything because you will be there.

8. She hasn’t mentioned any other guys in your presence. That’s because she’s not thinking of any other guys. And she won’t even bring up friend boys, because she doesn’t want you to assume they are boyfriends.

9. She brings you something when you're sick or similarly cooks you anything ever. Yeah, she’s showing you her nurturing side. It’s not because she’s filling some gender role, she’s just seizing the opportunity to be sweet. It’s an easy in to make you a casserole or drop by with some ginger ale.

10. You have met her friends and they seem surprisingly psyched to meet you. They are already excited to see you and already know what you do because they have heard about you. In fact, they might be sick of you. They might be thinking, “Will you just ask her out already?” So go ahead and do it.

Men's world: silence as a way of communication

Have you ever wondered why men go silent?

I know every woman at sometime in her life has wondered the real answer to his “lack of communication.”

If you’ve ever wondered, asked, or talked about anything below then I’m urging you to read on because I’m going to give you the real truth behind his silence…and all of your questions…

“Why won’t he talk to me?” “

“Why do guys hide their feelings?”

“Why won’t he tell me he loves me?”

“Why are men seem afraid to talk about their feelings?”

“Every time I want to talk about where our relationship is going he gets angry and cold.”

“All he does is nod and say ‘uh hu’ and then goes right back to his game or whatever he is doing. What does he always ignore me when I just want him to listen?”

“I ask him an important question which only requires a simple answer and it’s like he doesn’t even care.”

It’s my bet you can not wait to hear the absolute truth. I bet you’re just itching for an answer. I bet I can keep teasing you until you smack me up side the head.

And I bet if I keep this up you’re going to assume I’m like every other guy you’ve known refusing to answer what seems to be a simple question about how I feel. :)


Ahhh I got you there. Okay…I”ll get on with it.

But first you’re going to need a reminder or an education on the evolution of the male side.

Men are instinctively natural-born hunters and we’ve evolved from that. So talking was not exactly the smartest thing to do when we were hunting our next meal.

Hunting often requires almost complete silence.

If we’re in a group we could use hand gestures (or actions) to formulate the attack. And the last thing we wanted to do was scare away our prey. Now this is just a theory but the guy who did scare away dinner probably didn’t make it home…
Silence equals safety especially when dealing with an animal who could rip us to shreds.

This and a few others reasons is why man’s primary form of communication evolved differently than women. Therefore men have learned to communicate with actions, hand gestures, and directly focused eye contact.

So what does this have to do with men not sharing their feelings or talking intimately with their wives, girlfriends, or even the quiet girl at the end of the bar just looking to meet a nice guy?

As I mentioned above we are action orientated. It’s not often what is coming out of our mouths but what we do. And we’ve learned to be very good at it. (At least in our minds because sometimes it’s hard for men to clearly see how you might be missing our point or how you’re looking for vocal reassurance on how we feel about you or anything.)

Consider this because it explains how our actions will ALWAYS show how we feel.

When a guy is acting sweet…

When he is sharing intimate moments with you…

When he is there for you…

When he wants to be in your life…

That is our action orientated way of telling you we care. And yes in our minds we may be guilty of assuming you are understanding us when you don’t.

Now that I’ve shown you a little about how a man’s mind works and how it’s more important you understand our actions means more than our words….

Why will a guy choose silence over talking to a woman?

There are several reasons for this and I’ll give you a small glimpse into what a man might be thinking in certain situations:

“I didn’t want to lie about how you looked or how I felt that day.”

“You didn’t look good and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and cause a huge fight over something I feel is trivial.”

“I don’t want to ruin my day. Let’s say I’m having a great day and then you ask me a question which I know will lead to a huge discussion about how we feel about each other and if I don’t answer correctly it will end up in a fight.”

“I don’t think about our relationship as much as you do. I believe if things are going good we should just go with it. Why bother rocking the boat.”

And how about this.

Our vulnerability must be kept in check. If we open up too much we’re considered a wuss.

If we open up too little we’re considered a jerk.

It’s a fine line to walk and most men will opt for the jerk side because, well, we’re men and not wusses. Just like in court anything we say can and WILL be used against us at later time.

Think of a man who has been in a few failed relationships. It only stands to reason he is expecting another breakup. He could actually have a fear under a bad breakup you might reveal his intimate private secrets.

Sure it’s probably not going to happen but I believe men do fear that a woman will tell everyone his secrets which will make him appear less than a man.

Next up…

There are groups of men who do not have a clear understanding of what love is. And the last thing men want to do is tell a woman he loves her only to find out his definition of love is different from hers.

Our mom’s love us growing up.

Our father’s act like we do, men.

Add puberty and sex to the equation of “love” it can be very difficult for any guy to conceptualize what love really is.

I know that may be confusing so think of it this way.

We’re taught to love our Mothers and respect our Fathers. And now we’re supposed to love our girlfriends and respect her too. When you add our raging hormones demanding we procreate and release our sexual frustration you get one confused man who probably functions much better by just keeping his mouth shut.
Like I clearly stated above…. sometimes it’s just best to keep quiet because… Being quiet means being safe.

Lastly I want you to consider how confused men can get and why it could easily cause him to go silent.

We all know men who have been at least fairly successful with women despite their inability to communicate with her. He might even believe…

“Why should I start saying anything when what I am doing is working?”

To him he’s only doing what has works and if he tries something different this can cause more problems than he’s willing or able to solve.

And what about…
When a man shares too much of how he feels he appears needy.

When a man doesn’t share enough of his feelings he could miss out on something or find the only women who are attracted to him are interested in changing him. By constantly trying to open him up.

If we share too much of our feelings too quickly women assume we’re us only interested in her body. When in reality the guy only uses what he was either taught or refuse to learn how to attract her. These are typically the guys who over-compliment or tend to objectify women constantly.

Let’s wrap up all this because I’m getting the feeling you’re a little confused. I may not be getting my point across because well – these are just words and I’m a guy…I need action.
Man’s primitive design gives us the blueprint -> Silence is safe.
Man’s primitive design teaches actions and not words.
Men are brought up often leaving them more confused about what love really is. And it’s best for him to not communicate his deepest feelings because they may be different from yours.
His fear of being seen as less than a man is a major cause of men who refrain from expressing their feelings. You might call this an instinctive urge to protect his “male ego.”
A fear of being vulnerable also means, as above, not feeling safe.
Lastly – men everywhere have still managed to raise families or have long-term relationships despite clear verbal communication with the opposite sex. For lots of men this often means saying less is better because it has worked and will continue to work.

Take a minute to consider all what I’ve shown you today so the next time your man goes silent or fails to communicate how he feels you’ll have a deeper understanding of all the reasons why.

Now I’m not asking you to just deal with it, and I’m not suggesting an answer to getting him to open up, merely just a verbal explanation so you can begin to understand him better.

Ways to be romantic all the time!

10 ways to be romantic all the time

When you’re new in love, even the cheesiest of gestures can feel so romantic.

But as the relationship ages, awkwardness starts to set in and the cheesy ‘you-complete-me’ lines start to diminish.

Now that doesn’t mean you love your partner less.

It only means your infatuation has passed over and you’re now back in your senses.

So how can you be romantic and express your feelings without being cheesy to the point where you have to curl your toes inside your shoes as you say something?

Well, there are ways.

If you feel awkward to walk down a street holding a bouquet of flowers or wearing a tee shirt that says “I’m with Stupid!” fret not, because love doesn’t always have to be cheesy or corny.

How to be romantic without being cheesy

To be romantic, you need to understand the essence of romance.

What is romance, and what is being romantic?

To put it simply, being romantic is a way of letting your partner know that you still love them, and letting them know that you depend on them and need them. And finally, being romantic is all about creating memories.

If you can do any of these things in your own way, you’re definitely being romantic no matter what you do.

To get you started off on the right foot, here are 10 ideas on how to be romantic. Use your own ideas and modify them to fit your needs.

And once you truly understand these 10 romance tips, you’d definitely be a romantic, in your heart and on your sleeve.

#1 The little things you do. Love is in the details, we’ve all heard that but hardly a few of us ever do anything about it. If you want to be romantic, learn to be selfless. Go out of your way to d pleasant smile on their face. Do something unexpected at times.

If your man’s late for a big meeting, pick out his clothes and place them neatly for him to wear it. If your woman wants to pick up a new book or has to head out late in the evening, start your car and wait for her on the driveway to give her a lift.

#2 Give your attention. When you’re out with your partner, don’t ignore them, especially when you’re with others. Just because you’re having an interesting conversation with someone else doesn’t mean you should neglect your partner. Instead, involve your partner and make them feel like they’re the center of your world.

#3 Talk about feelings. Yes, this seems rather obvious at first. But how often do you ever come home at the end of a long day, sit close to your partner and talk about your day?

And how often do you ever just spend a lazy Sunday afternoon cozying up and talking about the good old days when you first met, about each other’s likes and dislikes and about how special and important your partner is to you? Signs of affection may mean a lot in love, but staying connected plays an important role too.

#4 Compete with each other. Competition works in two ways. If you let ego get in the way, you’ll hate each other after a friendly fight. But if you respect each other, a bit of fun and games can bring both of you closer together and bring in a lot of laughs too.

Play games, be it a pillow fight, a board game or a game on the console. Compete with each other, and congratulate each other. There are no losers here. When you’re done playing, both of you will feel happier, more relaxed and cuddly, more in love and a lot more affectionate towards each other.

#5 Take breaks often. If both of you are leading busy lives away from each other, go away on a vacation or a little getaway a few times a year to rekindle the together times and the romance. Even an overnight getaway will do just fine. Take time to isolate yourselves from the world, because it’s the only way to realize how special both of you are to each other.

#6 Create memories. Memories last a lifetime. There’s nothing in the world that can feel more romantic and romance inducing as perfect memories. As time flies, we forget those stolen glances and those special moments that are so full of love. Create memories often, either by snapping away your cherished moments or by videotaping it.

Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to watch a happy anniversary surprise or a funny prank a decade later? Romance doesn’t always have to be about love, at times, happiness can be just as romantic.

#7 Be nice to each other, especially when both of you are out together. If you’re the guy, be chivalrous. If you’re the girl, compliment your man and make him feel like a protector. When you treat each other with love and respect, you subconsciously feel better about yourself and the relationship. And when someone’s nice to you, you can’t help but be nice back in return. This is the reason why perfect first dates are so romantic.

Go out of your ways to make the other person feel special no matter how long you you’ve been in a relationship with each other. It’ll make every moment feel so much more romantic and beautiful.

#8 Publicize your love. Love is experienced between two people, but is best experienced when the world knows all about it. As much as love may be a private moment, we’re still humans with the need to feel better about ourselves. Your partner may not care about public shows of affection, but don’t stop indulging in it.

Make proclamations of love in public or surprise your partner by having flowers or gifts delivered to their workplace. It may be embarrassing, but it always feels good to be the lucky one who’s getting showered with attention.

If you don’t like displaying your love in the open, buy little inexpensive gifts for your partner when you go shopping by yourself. It shows that you think about your lover all the time, and it really is a very special and romantic gesture.

#9 Hug your partner. Or kiss them when they least expect it. Have you ever felt an overwhelming rush of affection towards your partner? Don’t stop yourself when you feel love well up inside you. If your lover’s working or cooking, walk up from behind and give them a warm hug and a kiss for no reason at all.

When you hug your lover and rest all your weight on them helplessly, it’ll make your partner either laugh out or feel protective about you. And let’s not forget, it is a really romantic way to say ‘I love you’.

#10 Humor. Tease each other all the time. Have fun, play little games, and pull each other’s legs and cuddle at the end of it all. The more you laugh and have a good time with each other, the more love and romance you’ll bring into the relationship.

Sometimes, it’s alright to be a child and indulge in silly games with each other. Ever watched a cute couple pillow fight on the telly? You can’t help smiling, can you? Indulge in the same silly things, and you’ll truly know how to be romantic.
If you’re looking for ways on how to be romantic and loving without being cheesy, just use these 10 ideas and create your own magical moments in romance. It’ll definitely bring more love and romance into your lives.