I know every woman at sometime in her life has wondered the real answer to his “lack of communication.”
If you’ve ever wondered, asked, or talked about anything below then I’m urging you to read on because I’m going to give you the real truth behind his silence…and all of your questions…
“Why won’t he talk to me?” “
“Why do guys hide their feelings?”
“Why won’t he tell me he loves me?”
“Why are men seem afraid to talk about their feelings?”
“Every time I want to talk about where our relationship is going he gets angry and cold.”
“All he does is nod and say ‘uh hu’ and then goes right back to his game or whatever he is doing. What does he always ignore me when I just want him to listen?”
“I ask him an important question which only requires a simple answer and it’s like he doesn’t even care.”
It’s my bet you can not wait to hear the absolute truth. I bet you’re just itching for an answer. I bet I can keep teasing you until you smack me up side the head.
And I bet if I keep this up you’re going to assume I’m like every other guy you’ve known refusing to answer what seems to be a simple question about how I feel. :)
Ahhh I got you there. Okay…I”ll get on with it.
But first you’re going to need a reminder or an education on the evolution of the male side.
Men are instinctively natural-born hunters and we’ve evolved from that. So talking was not exactly the smartest thing to do when we were hunting our next meal.
Hunting often requires almost complete silence.
If we’re in a group we could use hand gestures (or actions) to formulate the attack. And the last thing we wanted to do was scare away our prey. Now this is just a theory but the guy who did scare away dinner probably didn’t make it home…
Silence equals safety especially when dealing with an animal who could rip us to shreds.
This and a few others reasons is why man’s primary form of communication evolved differently than women. Therefore men have learned to communicate with actions, hand gestures, and directly focused eye contact.
So what does this have to do with men not sharing their feelings or talking intimately with their wives, girlfriends, or even the quiet girl at the end of the bar just looking to meet a nice guy?
As I mentioned above we are action orientated. It’s not often what is coming out of our mouths but what we do. And we’ve learned to be very good at it. (At least in our minds because sometimes it’s hard for men to clearly see how you might be missing our point or how you’re looking for vocal reassurance on how we feel about you or anything.)
Consider this because it explains how our actions will ALWAYS show how we feel.
When a guy is acting sweet…
When he is sharing intimate moments with you…
When he is there for you…
When he wants to be in your life…
That is our action orientated way of telling you we care. And yes in our minds we may be guilty of assuming you are understanding us when you don’t.
Now that I’ve shown you a little about how a man’s mind works and how it’s more important you understand our actions means more than our words….
Why will a guy choose silence over talking to a woman?
There are several reasons for this and I’ll give you a small glimpse into what a man might be thinking in certain situations:
“I didn’t want to lie about how you looked or how I felt that day.”
“You didn’t look good and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and cause a huge fight over something I feel is trivial.”
“I don’t want to ruin my day. Let’s say I’m having a great day and then you ask me a question which I know will lead to a huge discussion about how we feel about each other and if I don’t answer correctly it will end up in a fight.”
“I don’t think about our relationship as much as you do. I believe if things are going good we should just go with it. Why bother rocking the boat.”
And how about this.
Our vulnerability must be kept in check. If we open up too much we’re considered a wuss.
If we open up too little we’re considered a jerk.
It’s a fine line to walk and most men will opt for the jerk side because, well, we’re men and not wusses. Just like in court anything we say can and WILL be used against us at later time.
Think of a man who has been in a few failed relationships. It only stands to reason he is expecting another breakup. He could actually have a fear under a bad breakup you might reveal his intimate private secrets.
Sure it’s probably not going to happen but I believe men do fear that a woman will tell everyone his secrets which will make him appear less than a man.
Next up…
There are groups of men who do not have a clear understanding of what love is. And the last thing men want to do is tell a woman he loves her only to find out his definition of love is different from hers.
Our mom’s love us growing up.
Our father’s act like we do, men.
Add puberty and sex to the equation of “love” it can be very difficult for any guy to conceptualize what love really is.
I know that may be confusing so think of it this way.
We’re taught to love our Mothers and respect our Fathers. And now we’re supposed to love our girlfriends and respect her too. When you add our raging hormones demanding we procreate and release our sexual frustration you get one confused man who probably functions much better by just keeping his mouth shut.
Like I clearly stated above…. sometimes it’s just best to keep quiet because… Being quiet means being safe.
Lastly I want you to consider how confused men can get and why it could easily cause him to go silent.
We all know men who have been at least fairly successful with women despite their inability to communicate with her. He might even believe…
“Why should I start saying anything when what I am doing is working?”
To him he’s only doing what has works and if he tries something different this can cause more problems than he’s willing or able to solve.
And what about…
When a man shares too much of how he feels he appears needy.
When a man doesn’t share enough of his feelings he could miss out on something or find the only women who are attracted to him are interested in changing him. By constantly trying to open him up.
If we share too much of our feelings too quickly women assume we’re us only interested in her body. When in reality the guy only uses what he was either taught or refuse to learn how to attract her. These are typically the guys who over-compliment or tend to objectify women constantly.
Let’s wrap up all this because I’m getting the feeling you’re a little confused. I may not be getting my point across because well – these are just words and I’m a guy…I need action.
Man’s primitive design gives us the blueprint -> Silence is safe.
Man’s primitive design teaches actions and not words.
Men are brought up often leaving them more confused about what love really is. And it’s best for him to not communicate his deepest feelings because they may be different from yours.
His fear of being seen as less than a man is a major cause of men who refrain from expressing their feelings. You might call this an instinctive urge to protect his “male ego.”
A fear of being vulnerable also means, as above, not feeling safe.
Lastly – men everywhere have still managed to raise families or have long-term relationships despite clear verbal communication with the opposite sex. For lots of men this often means saying less is better because it has worked and will continue to work.
Take a minute to consider all what I’ve shown you today so the next time your man goes silent or fails to communicate how he feels you’ll have a deeper understanding of all the reasons why.
Now I’m not asking you to just deal with it, and I’m not suggesting an answer to getting him to open up, merely just a verbal explanation so you can begin to understand him better.
No comments:
Post a Comment