A Poznan of Adventures!

Adam Mickiewicz University

When Aristotle said "a great city is not to be confounded with a populous one", he perhaps was thinking not very far from a city like Poznan. With a population of a little under six hundred thousand, this city enjoys what other cities of jumbo-sized populations relish. What with almost 135,000 student population, 200 majors in 28 universities, a hundred thousand career proposition companies and  one of the fastest growing economies in the country with an unemployment rate of just 4%. And in case you're wondering if a city can have it all, well maybe Poznan is fast turning out to be the unsung darling of Europe and the world at large. It enjoys a mild winter and could also fit in as a paramount summer get-away. Most foreigners who come here describe this city as fait accompli.

During the weeks that followed my night-out, staying indoor had become inevitable. It'd be like sleeping in the middle of a storm. There was too much to see and do and even though studying was primary, other exertions had to be added to it. Everyone knows the story of the proverbial Jack who said something about all work and no play. The following day took me to the old garrison occupied by soldiers during World War II. Walking around the barracks, I pictured in my brain's eye how the soldiers lived during that time. There's an arsenal of armored tanks, fighter planes, weapons and motor-bikes. To the eastern part of the preservation is the fortress in which the soldiers dwelt for the duration of the war. It's something like a substructure built with concrete and steel and it's really huge. On the way out is the cemetery. There's a part where there were graves of only Polish soldiers, another one for Germans and the last one for English soldiers. One that particularly stuck out as typical with that unfortunate time in history was the tomb of an unknown soldier.

WW2 memory

I told my friend that was enough grief for the day and we set out on some adrenaline driving mission. He took me to the old train bridge that lies above the Warta river. Now, only very old trains carrying cargo use this bridge at random as new and modern rail tracks have since replaced it. This is no place for anyone with a fear of heights. I had to stand on a very old bridge that was above fifty meters of a flowing river that was at least two meters deep. Looking down made my head spin and it didn't stop at that. The bridge vibrates whenever a train crawls by giving the feeling that the planks are going to give way to a free-fall into the River Warta sweeping calmly below. At the sight of the first train, the only question I asked my chum was the temperature of the water below us. If at least I was going to fall, I had to prepare for it and in some measure  could still swim to save my life. Then came the train. I'd been hoping it was a short one with a minimum of about five cars but as it groveled along the old tracks, I knew my hope was lost in futility. The bridge pulsed and I grabbed the railings for dear life while I struggled to take pictures. Other on-lookers cheered as they enjoyed the moment but lily-livered me could only fake a smile as my head spun and the only wish I had was to find a balance underneath my legs. Summoning courage, I let go of the railings and looked fixedly at the steel cars clattering in front of me. By the time the last car glided past, my fear had given away to a rush of adrenaline and yells were ringing out from the long line of people standing on the bridge. It felt like something from a Hollywood action movie and even for a moment, I pretended to be some special agent who was on a mission to salvage a chemical weapon hidden on a train. Something my memory related to from the Skyfall movie. On our way to the theater house, I couldn't resist seeing the exotic meat shop. Stuck somewhere close to an open market, this meat shop would quench any meat lover's hunger. There was game of various kinds, so also were mutton, goat, horse and rabbit meat.

River Warta

George Orwell said freedom is the right to say that two plus two equals four. In Poznan, freedom means being a resident. Nothing else had ever felt like freedom.

Train crossing the Old Bridge

Escape the friend zone, move to the lovers zone!

How do you motivate a friend to be "more than friends"? How do you move forward from "just friends" to girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or lover? How do you escape the friend zone?
I often get questions like these from readers asking how to get out of "the friend zone". I have also been watching the new MTV show Friend Zone lately. So, I've decided to share my own advice for how to transition from being just a friend to a girlfriend, or just a friend to a boyfriend. Read on and learn how to go from a friend to a lover with a few simple techniques...
What is "The Friend Zone"?

For those who don't know the term, "the friend zone" refers to a situation where one individual in a friendship develops more intense feelings and wants to become "more than friends" with the other person. More often than not, the other person is unaware of the friend's desires and quite happy in the friendship-only arrangement. As a result, the person is "stuck" in the "friend zone", unable to transition from just friend to girlfriend or boyfriend.

Being stuck in a friendship and wanting more can be a frustrating position. Sometimes this frustration is sexually-motivated, with one friend desiring a physical relationship with the other. On other occasions, the friends are already sexually involved (i.e. friends-with-benefits), but there is a motivation to transition into a "relationship" as a committed girlfriend or boyfriend. In other instances, both motivations play a role. Nevertheless, in any case, wanting more than you are currently getting is a heart-wrenching situation. The "friend zone" is not an easy place to live!
Why Does "The Friend Zone" Happen?

Before I help you get out of the friend zone, we first need to discuss why people get stuck there in the first place. Essentially, all relationships are social exchanges (for more, see here). This means that people set up give-and-take agreements, usually without discussion, to get what they want from the other person and give what they are willing to give.

When someone gets stuck in the friend zone, they have entered into an exchange friendship that isn't even. The other person is getting everything he/she wants...but the person stuck in the friend zone isn't. In a nutshell, the friend zone person sold himself or herself short. They gave their "friend" everything, without making sure they got everything they wanted in return.
How to Escape the Friend Zone

To escape the friend zone, you must first realize that all relationships involve negotiation - and you are attempting to "re-negotiate" the current exchange. Essentially, you want "more" from the other person. Most likely, you are already giving too much and what you really want is for them to balance the scales.

Fortunately, there are a few influence principles that do indeed balance the scales. Using those principles, we can devise a few steps to get you out of the friend zone:

1) Be Less Interested - The relationship is already imbalanced because you value it more than the other person. Take a step back. Being "needy" is no way to negotiate. Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want. So, be less interested and ready to walk away if you don't get the relationship you want. Those who are more willing to walk away have the power to guide the relationship (called the "Least Interested Principle" - Waller & Hill, 1951).

2) Make Yourself Scarce - Spend some time away from your "friend" and do less for them. If they truly appreciate you, then your absence will make them miss you and want you more. This is the principle of "Scarcity" - where people value something more when it is rare or taken away from them (Cialdini, 2009). When you are no longer around as much or tending to their needs, they will most likely feel the loss. This will increase their desire for you and their willingness to meet your needs back. If it doesn't, then they are just "not that into you"...and don't value you. In that case, find another "friend".

3) Create Some Competition - Go out and make some other "friends" of the sex you are attracted to. Broaden your social network. Then, talk about these new friends with the friend you desire. Competition and a little jealousy are another great way to develop "Scarcity" (Cialdini, 2009). People value more what they think they might lose. If you are "busy" with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention. If you don't see any "jealousy" though, then they might not want to be "more than friends". In that case, set your sights on someone new!

4) Get Them To Invest - Ask your friend to do things for you. Contrary to popular belief, people like you more when THEY do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them (for more, see here). This is called the Ben Franklin Effect (Jecker & Landry, 1969). The more they invest in the relationship, the more you will mean to them. So, stop doing favors...and start asking for them. Get them to give you a ride, study with you, fix something, etc. Heck, even asking them to get you a soda from the fridge has an impact!

5) Be Rewarding - Don't forget to be grateful and reward your friend when they behave as you desire. After they are good to you, remember to be good to them back. Being attentive and affectionate, only when they do what you like, encourages them to continue those behaviors. Also, ignoring them when they behave badly helps to reduce unwanted behaviors. Always remember to keep anenvironment of mutual gratitude flowing too.

Taking It From There

Applying the steps above will balance the value and exchange in the relationship. It will highlight how truly valuable, desirable, and important you are to your "friend". Essentially, it will raise your status and worth in their eyes. You might even be able to pick up the change in their body language when you are around.

Poznan: The Polish Pearl!

Stary Browar

Jacek (my bud from Chicago) had told me about the fascinating malls in Poznan and I was just eager to feed my eyes as much as I could. To enjoy the most of this city, you'd have to walk around. Don't worry about crowded roads and mad traffic jams as they virtually are non-existent. Poznan has one of the best planned transportation systems and the roads are just a delight to the eyes. The air is unpolluted and the laws are well respected. The Old Brewery popularly known as "Stary Browar" epitomizes what a shopping mall should look like. Awarded the best shopping center in the world by the International Council of Shopping Centers in the ICSC 2008 global awards,, this shopping center is a shopper's delight. It's quite safe to say "Stary Browar"  isn't a far cry from the Siam Paragons, Ala Moanas, GPOs and the West Edmonton Malls of this world. Whoever you are – Food lover, brand lover, it's a one-stop shopping for anything imaginable. You only have to visit to see what I mean.Truth be told, I was marveled at what I saw- many famous brands, continental food restaurants and another architectural master-piece. I strolled around window-shopping, taking glimpses of the brands and smiling back at the radiant Polish broads who exuded all forms of graciousness. It was quite atypical  for what seemed to be the rules of shop attendants who always thought they were doing you a favor by selling their wares. I was just a few weeks old in Poznan but was already feeling at home. The people were benevolent, the city was serene, the neighborhoods were spic-and-span, and there was a lot more to see and do.

Outside of the Stary Browar

The social life here is sublime. Apart from what Jacek and Malgorzata told me, I already knew there was more to it. My place of abode was right downtown (I have something with down-towns..haha) in some street I'd nick-named "the happy drive". That meant I was a stone throw away to most of the night clubs. After being aroused from sleep in the early mornings on one or two occasions by club-goers who were making their way home, I decided it was time to taste the night life. It so happened that the party-goers heading home the next morning  had a knack for waking me up from sleep, but then, they also had some singing talents in them. Taking advantage of the tranquility of the early morning, they mostly gave a rendition of their songs on top of their voices as they walked down the street. On one occasion, shrill voices rendering Maroon's Payphone brought me out of my sub-consciousness. I got up from bed to look down through the glass doors of my fifth-floor apartment to see two guys strolling leisurely down the quiet street giving their "best" rendition of the song. From the way they looked, they were slightly tipsy club-goers who had stayed till early in the morning. As they walked down the street, missing one step or two and not giving a care about anything else in the world, I knew time had come to taste the night life. Happy-hour surely lasts till the early morning in the Poznan night clubs.

Early morning in Poznan Center

It was time to put a call through to Jacek later in the day. I'd promised to let him know of my experience after my first two weeks of arrival. I must have brought him out of bed as he sounded groggy at the other end. "Hey you! What have you been up to?" I asked him. He came alive when he realized it was me. "Heyyyyy! Tell me everything! Have you been to the night clubs? Have you seen Stary Rynek, the castle, the theater and the cathedral?" He responded. I gave him the heads up on what I'd done since my arrival and how I was planning to sample the night life. In response to that, he had several names of night clubs for me. By the time we finished talking, I'd a long list of clubs and I was willing to try them all out. On a fine Saturday evening, dressed in one of my favorite shirts, I stepped into the cool fall air and got lost in the stream of other party-goers. I was going to try out two of the clubs I had on my list. First thing I noticed was that even at 11 p.m, the city was very much alive with people of all ages, shapes and sizes chatting, laughing and ambling down the side-walks. A few meters brought me to a pub. I opened the door and walked into a space full of active, tipsy and happy people, at least I'd just discovered one of the spots where the singing sensations who walked  down "the happy drive" came from. Everyone babbled freely with rounds of laughter intermittently ringing out from the corners of the room. I ordered a whiskey double and chose a quiet seat at the corner. The night was going to be promising!

 Półwiejska street

Whatever floats your boat as far as night-life is concerned, you'll find it here. Latino music dance clubs, hip-hop, R&B, jazz, techno, house, name it all. One thing noticeable though was the idiosyncratic way matters were handled here. Anything done in Poznan was done with utmost seriousness. The city was apparently run by adequate people, studying was weighty and now I realized partying or clubbing was executed in the same imperative style. Did I tell you about Półwiejska street? That's the street lined with exquisite shops and a generous number of clubs, including a go-go night club for lovers of strip-tease dancing. And no, I haven't been there! Apprehensive of what could happen if I encountered drunks amid my quest of trying out the night-life, I'd almost given up stepping out of my apartment, but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen as the only things the boozers were concerned about were their maidens and drinks. Being a lover of football, I'd followed the news about the fear of racial attacks during the Euro 2012 games but as it turned out, it was mere media propaganda. Even though I'd heard unconfirmed stories of racial attacks in some parts of eastern Europe, I wasn't deterred, but for the first time since my arrival, I began to feel the jitters. "It's probably a different scenario at night" I thought to myself. I learned that was totally unnecessary. Police vans were parked in proximity to the night-clubs and even at that, there was no violence. My first conversation of the night happened when two very drunk lads walked up to me. I was half way in the bag myself after the whiskey and our discourse was to say the least, befuddled. We laughed hysterically even when nothing was funny and a couple of minutes later, we ventured into one of the clubs. The night-life here is huge once again. The clubs are always giving it out and the DJs are no disappointments either. I focused on three dancers directly under the disco lights. They were circling around each other and it looked like they were going into a slow motion of an African dance.

By the time I was ready to go home, I knew I'd chosen the right city. For a moment, I toyed with the idea of doing my own "happy drive" performance but dropped the idea because I didn't have enough hooch in my system and me singing would probably result to a nightmare for the sleeping residents of "the happy drive". Poznan offered it all - good education, cheap and affordable commodities, peaceful atmosphere and a wide range of night clubs. Tomorrow, I was going to see the land marks and what else makes this city tick.

Inside the Stary Browar

Poznan: A city of life

The tallest building in Poznan: Altum

So don't get it twisted, Poznan is a place of never-ending fun. The skyline is dotted with roofs of historical, medieval buildings and modern twenty-first century architecture. If you're a lover of historical buildings, there's nowhere but here for you! I could go on to write about the architecture, history and stuff but would have to leave the story for another day (it's always on Wiki, anyways). This write-up basically has to do with the student life in Poznan. Now, there are about seven highly recognized universities in the city of Poznan: Adam Mickiewicz University, Poznan University of Economics, Poznan University of Medical Sciences, Poznan University of Technology, Poznan University of Life Sciences, The Agricultural University of Poznan and The Polytechnic University of Poznan. Each of these institutions of higher learning has a sizable share of international students. When I surmised at the airport that Poznan was indeed a cosmopolitan city, I'd yet to see the student life. Poznan has to be one of the cities in the world with such a colorful mix of global representatives who contribute truly to the vibrancy of the city. As a student from Canada aptly put it, if you haven't experienced the night-life in Poznan, you haven't done much.

A little jet-lagged, I knew I had to drop in at the students' orientation meeting scheduled for the next day and submit my papers to the local immigration to process a temporary residence permit. Since it was early fall and the weather hadn't gone too cold for comfort, I decided against riding a taxi and opted for a leisurely stroll to my university's main building where the students' orientation was to take place. Even though I had a map to take me to my destination, I desired to have another taste of Polish hospitality as the last one I had was from Malgorzata and my body and soul were starting to yearn for more. Relishing the serenity which I'd always craved from the hustle and bustle of downtown Chicago, I asked a middle-aged man for directions to the University. Greenhorns are not strange to the dwellers of Poznan. This city hosts about thousands of them every year. I got enough help from the man who even volunteered to walk me down to the university, an offer which I politely turned down. The orientation meeting like I expected was like another gathering of the United Nations. Each continent was represented.

My documentation with the local immigration was hugely successful. Although the local officials differed slightly from the ones I met at the airport, I eventually got registered as a resident. From the gist going around at the orientation meeting, I wasn't looking forward to facing the local officials. Rumor had it that the office was full of stern ladies who'd rain on your parade. I needn't have worried too much though. After successfully documenting my application, I realized it could only get hard for you if you ran short of one or more papers you're supposed to present.

University of Economics, Poznan

Studying in Poznan is an experience of a lifetime. University of Economics is a trail blazer in Europe, especially if you're looking into a degree in economics, business administration or other management courses. The classes are fun although the time-table seemed hectic for me in the beginning of the semester. The thing that got us laughing at first was each other's funny accents. Since the English language was the language of instruction and with students from all over the world, my classes felt more like a music rehearsal room. Accents from Asia, Africa, eastern Europe and North America all teamed up to sound like an auto-tune from a R&B song. That's not to take away anything from the professors. They are in-depth, articulate and make you learn the ropes easily enough without being flustered. Each university includes physical education classes in their curricula to prevent students becoming lethargic; not that you stood a chance of being lethargic in Poznan, anyways. It's a city full of life! For book lovers, you could grab a book to read in one of the numerous book lockers at the tram stops. For me, I was having enough book at the university, it was time to have some real fun...

Monument to the founder of Poznan University of Economics,
famous Polish economist, Edward Taylor

To be continued...